Let's Play Pokemon Snakewood! (LP #1)

1.       Magnezone (Evolves from Magneton with Thunder Stone)

2.       Munchlax (Replaces Lotad – obtained from trading Faceleech, which in turn requires breeding from Turmur)

3.       Shinx and its evolutions (Replaces Electrike, Manectric and Plusle – to get Shinx you need the Cat’s Eye item, which is part of the Turmur chain quest)

4.       Weavile (Replaces Minun – Sneasel appear in the Frigid Way and the Rainy Cave, and you can evolve them to Weavile with max happiness)

5.       Toxicroak (Replaces Chimecho – obtained via the plot progression)

6.       Spiritomb (Replaces Shelgon – obtained via the Sewer/Abandoned Ship sidequest)
7.       Zoroark, as Gigawolf (Replaces Diglett – evolve Mightyena to max Happiness)

8.       Emolga (Replaces Groudon hahahah – obtained from that one dude in the Film University)

9.       Bouffalant (Replaces Gulpin – apparently they’re on route 121)

10.   Blitzle and Zebstrika (Replaces Sentret and Furret - Give the Sparkly Pony item to the person inside of the Endless Plains room in Fort Draco, which becomes a Blitzle)

11.   Basculin (Red Stripe) – (Evolves from Luvdisc when given a Water Stone)
12.  Drilbur and Excadrill (Replaces Porygon and Porygon2)

... Wow. There goes the meat of all of the work I had to do. The next chapters are going to be smooth sailing, because putting the first two together took a surprising amount of time to do. Thankfully, the true end should be coming soon enough.

See you guys for the next bonus chapter.

[Just have this playing in the background: It's Showtime]

I’m just gonna be sitting here commentating.

Our reporter, Belinda Latchley, visited Angel Laboratories in order to interview various members of the cast and backstage crew of Pokémon Snakewood, a hack of Ruby that looks set to make it big on its release. Firstly, she caught up with the game’s two player characters, Wraith and Jericho, played by brother-and-sister acting pair Damien and Rebecca Colostomy.

Oh my god, his name was Wraith this entire time. Imagine how much less seriously I would have taken this game if I didn’t call him Jack instead. Also, I was right when I said Angel Laboratories was one of the dev groups that worked on this hack.

Belinda: First of all, let me just say how thrilled I am to be here. It’s a very new experience for me, the game interview scene.

Aren’t you a fictional character?

Damien: It’s new for us too, Belinda. This is the first game we’ve ever got a lead part in – and that means the first game we’ve ever been interviewed about.

You poor bastard.

Belinda: What’s it like, during the creation process? Not just for Snakewood, but in general?

Rebecca: Well, I wouldn’t know about in general, since I’ve only played bit characters before – but it’s been great. In this game, I – or Damien – get a full speaking part, with loads of great dialogue. There’s also a lot of winning and beating people up, which is incredibly fun to stage.

Oh please. The main character’s dialogue degenerated a lot as time passed. The only reason I even liked the main character was due to the beginning dialogue where they actually showed some common sense.

Damien: And it is staged well. There are a couple of scenes where we get beaten up or knocked out, and making those was amazing. I mean, it’s so well done that we don’t feel anything, but it looks just like we were punched in the face or whatever.

This is a bit confusing. So Snakewood’s supposed to be a play of some sort? I’m pretty sure everything that happened to Jack was real.

Belinda: I see. Well, what has it been like to work with the Cutlerine? I understand that this is the first time you’ve worked with him.

Damien: I don’t really know. He’s mostly stayed with the scripters, the spriters and that, directing the cameras and stuff like that. I only really remember meeting him once or twice, but when I did he seemed really friendly, and incredibly witty.

Just... Yeah, if the postgame of Snakewood is anything to go by, then he sure is “friendly” alright. I know he might have changed as time passed, but damn that ending was horrendous beyond description.

Rebecca: Yeah, he created the entire story – and it’s so full of references it’s amazing. How can one person have wasted so much time absorbing so much useless knowledge? I met him more times than Damien – he liked me more, because apparently my design and sprites were less difficult to index successfully – and he came across as the most brilliant genius the world has ever seen.

Cutlerine saw references as the ultimate source of humor in this hack. The references aren’t clever or interesting, nor do they fit with the story he was trying to make; so whenever he pops one in, it feels staggeringly out of place. It is useless knowledge because instead of trying to be clever on his own merit, it just winds up being stupid.

Also, that’s some A+++ ego stroking right there. The arrogance is so tangible that I almost choked on it.

Belinda: Right. Thanks, Damien, Rebecca, I’ll let you get on now. Next up, I’ll be speaking to Manfred Verticaño, the chief cameraman working on Snakewood. Good afternoon, Manfred.

Manfred: Hello, Belinda.

Aren’t you that hobo with the depression beard that got lost in the Lilycove Sewers?
Belinda: What can you tell us about the experience of filming Snakewood?

Manfred: Well, this is the third game I’ve worked on so far, so I had quite a bit of experience to bring to the table. The Cutlerine asked me to head the camera department after we’d both imbibed a little too freely of the cup that cheers, if you catch my drift, down in Club Rocket, where we met a rather extraordinary—

... What? Did this dude get drunk or something?

Belinda: Excuse me, but what are you talking about?

^ Talks sense

Manfred: ...couldn’t have had fewer than eight legs...

Belinda: Manfred?

Manfred: ... and ended up with an earring the size of a pipistrelle!

... A pipistrelle is a species of bat. Cutlerine, you can’t fool me with these fancy words.

Belinda: ... Thank you, Manfred. Have a nice day.

I love how the reporter is just like “okay i’m done” with this dude.

Manfred: Oh, was that it? That was easy!

Belinda: Yes... Next, I’m speaking to Harrison Morrison, the best boy. Harrison?

Harrison: Right here, Belinda.

I have no idea who this guy is.

Belinda: Now, could you please tell our viewers – what exactly does the best boy do?

Harrison: If only someone could answer that for me, Belinda. I’ve been asking myself the same damn question for forty years.

I swear to god if this is another reference I’m going to deck him in the face. Also, the best boy is a term for a manager of a film – they’re in charge of hiring people, lighting, etc.

Belinda: ...OK. Do you have anything else to say?

Harrison: I don’t know! For the love of God, stop taunting me!

You know, given the context of Cutlerine and Snakewood, it’s pretty obvious why Harrison is so deranged. His co-owner is so insufferable it made him like this.

[CRASHING SOUNDS]

Belinda: Um... See you – Ow! – after the break!

Is... Is he throwing things at her? What the hell is going on?

[Happy music plays]

Barry Scott: Hi! I’m Barry Scott, and I’m here with Jill, who uses Cillit Bang Grime & Lime! Jill, what do you think?

Jill: Well, I use it all over the house. It’s great on limescale, and my sink sparkles! The kids make such a mess in the bathroom, but it tackles soap scum no problem.

Barry Scott: And now for the ‘tough’ test! My old favourite!

Jill: You love that one, Barry!

Barry Scott: Heh heh! With this much power on tough jobs, everyday cleaning is a doddle with Cillit Bang Grime & Lime! Give it a go! Bang, and the dirt is gone!

... Cutlerine, you’re like that one guy that tries really hard to be funny.

[A gorilla plays the drums. Mmm, chocolate.]

Alright, that’s it. You want a serious analysis on what works and what doesn’t? Because I’m sick of this shit. See, there’s no context to any of this. It’s just thrown out for the sake of throwing the reader off guard for some vain attempt at randumb humor.

There’s no tact, no finesse, no real form of build-up. The only reason it even elicits a reaction is because it’s natural to go “what the fuck is this”. Beyond that, it’s just stupid. There’s a reason why I hated most of the stuff that went on in the actual game because there was no rhyme or reason to it. It was just there because Cutlerine felt like putting it in. Just... moving on.

Belinda: And we’re back! With me here in the studio is Herod Friedland, who plays every single member of the organisation known as the Deadly Seven, or the Order of the Afro.

Speaking of the Deadly Seven, they were a horrible choice too. Like... they became bearable when they finally dropped the crazy act. Let me repeat this: your gimmick character becomes bearable when they lose their gimmick. Like damn it, man. It’s no secret that I hated the “madness for the sake of confusing the enemy” thing because it felt like a tremendous asspull.

Herod: Good afternoon, Belinda.

Belinda: Good afternoon, Herod. What’s it like to play someone completely insane, in the context of an RPG?

Herod: Well, I actually play ten of them, each with their own unique qualities. There’s a lot of material to memorise for each of them – Stan [note: the producer] made me learn each of their backstories, so that I would understand the emotions that drive their running jokes.

Even when the Deadly Seven were serious, I still couldn’t take them seriously. Order of the Afro? Really? Bah. I don’t think any of the Deadly Seven even had backstories aside from “we fight senex”.

Belinda: These running jokes play a large part in the game, don’t they?

Herod: I like to think they do. The Deadly Seven do, at any rate – on more than one occasion, they have to be defeated in order for the story to progress. And they give the player character useful advice and items at points.

I’ll give you this, they give you items... after they’ve stopped being crazy. Aside from telling Jack to go to the Elite Four, they have been active detriments to Jack this entire game. Pretty sure Jack’s not going to forget that they tried to make him go insane.

Belinda: Interesting. What was it like to work with the Cutlerine?

Herod: He seems a nice enough guy, did his job well. I saw him less than Damien and Rebecca, if anything.

Belinda: OK, I’m going to have to stop you there, Herod, because walking in the door right now is Martha McPlatitude, the set designer and builder.

That name may not be as bad as Lolidragon, but it’s up there.

Martha: Pleased to meet you, Belinda.

Belinda: The pleasure is all mine, Martha. Tell us what exactly your job involves.

Martha: Well, I... design and build the sets.

Belinda: Is that right?

Martha: Oh – I don’t do it by myself. I have a team working under me to help with the building work.

Belinda: What was the most challenging map to create for you?

Martha: It would have to be the Madio Caves. I had to break most of the laws of physics several times for that one – in fact, several times more than anyone else. As soon as it’s verified by an official, Snakewood will be in line for a Guinness World Record for that one.

The Madio Caves have some of the most horrendous map design I’ve ever seen. I’m not fond of places that try to mislead you, and the Inquisition Base is another such offender.

The Inquisition Base was another horrible map because there were so many foul-spirited one-way exits and tricks (looking at you, inescapable trap with a level 80 Shaderu) that I honestly didn’t want to keep playing. The Boardroom Puzzle is so monstrous that the map was absolutely necessary. To quote my friend: “That level design physically hurt just reading about it”.

See, people want to progress through the games they play – not be stuck in the same room over and over and over and over and over AND OVER AND OVER—You get my point.

Belinda: And what was your favourite part?

Martha: Definitely making the Regurgitation Pumping Station in the Lilycove Sewers. It was my finest effort – four 50ft waterfalls of real sewage, on a tower just over 150ft tall and covered in dozens of functional pumps. It was an engineering masterpiece.

It’s a video game for christ’s sake.

Belinda: That sounds impressive. What about the Necropolis in Sootopolis City? I hear that that’s set to top a thousand feet.

The Necropolis we never get a full view of? It’s just an edited map, guys.

Martha: It will be the tallest structure I’ve ever created. I have the designs ready and workers are busy on the graphical foundations already – we just need the Cutlerine’s final approval before we continue with the main building work.

It’s literally just Spiral Tower and Sootopolis mixed together. Stop talking about this like it’s an actual structure you built.

Belinda: So you’re very excited about this?

Martha: Excited? I’m so excited I could burst!

[EXPLOSION]

Goodbye Martha. Funeral services will be held never.

Belinda: That was... unexpected. Anyway, I guess I’ll go back to interviewing Herod now.

Herod: Hello again, Belinda. I would say yes, continue with the interview, but I think you’ll find we need to get out of here. There’s been a leak of Weird and everyone has to evacuate?

... Really?

Belinda: A leak of... Weird?

Herod: Yes, the stuff that makes Pokémon Snakewood so delightfully eclectic and bizarre, and at times somewhat disturbing. Unleashed... well, you saw what it did to Martha, and what it resulted in with Harrison. We have to get out of here!

No, the weird makes Snakewood an absolute mess of a rom hack that no sane person would ever want to touch. It degrades the quality of the game and I’m pretty sure if a better zombie apocalypse rom hack came out, it would completely overshadow this game.

Belinda: This is Belinda Latchley, of Mixed Media Studios, signing off. Oh God, what is that thing?!

Is it A Monster?

Herod: Run! No one can stop it now!

[ROAR; SNARL]

Belinda: But Herod! You’ll die!

Herod: Go! Save yourself! You’re still young – aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

[WHITE NOISE]

And there goes the Deadly Seven. Hallelujah.

Well, that script was... a thing.  Why did it exist? I have no idea. (In hindsight, this was probably the easiest chapter to make yet)

But yeah. There was also an achievements document that came with this, but let me just sum it up for you - it's either all nonsensical garbage that no sane player would ever attempt (Perfect Black: Navigate the Madio Caves without Flash. - like seriously??) or simple to the point of "why was this an achievement?". ([name]! I Choose You!: Obtain a starter Pokémon.) After this, though, it should really be the end.  

This takes place a year (at least) after Snakewood ended, so Jack's been living at Fort Draco for quite some time now.

: [Stretches arms] "Man, I still can't believe the region was full of zombies a year ago."

: ("I'm glad that we were able to fix the region in the first place.")

: "Yeah. You and the crew do really good work, just sayin'. I can't imagine what this place would have done without u--"

[A dragon's voice calls out for Jack]



: "Master Jack! We have a problem!"

: "Aw crap. What's the deal?"

: "King Meteor will explain the rest."

: "... Oh, this ought to be good."



: "So what's the problem, Dragon King?"

: "We've received word of powerful malicious energy in certain parts of Hoenn. The sensations are so overpowering that people get sick just passing by these areas."

: "Wow, that bad?"

: "We're positive that Senex has returned... but Izumii says that these are different forces than anything we've seen before. Regardless, you're our strongest Knight, Jack. Will you help us?"

: "Of course! In fact, I've been waiting for another chance like this - I hate to admit it, but cleaning up hordes of the undead wasn't really exciting me anymore."

: "Good. Prepare yourself before you leave - we don't know what sort of plan the Dark Lord has in store for you."



: "So, everyone's fine? Is Menti* okay? I have to ask so I can leave without getting worried."

(*: A zombified Azumarill that we picked up during the course of Snakewood.)

: "Yes. She's resting right now but she's fine. Still... It's amazing that strange deer-shaped Pokemon * was able to reverse the zombification process."

(*2: Hello, early-bird cameo.)

: "Yeah, no kidding... I'm kinda pissed that Xerneas wasn't here earlier, though. That would have solved our problems a lot faster... Then again, she did say she couldn't stay for long or someone would find her? I don't remember the details. Anyway, I'm going. Take good care of the back-up team while I'm gone."

: "Good luck, Master Jack."

Oh yes, by the way: I had to download a new copy of Snakewood just to do this because I deleted it after I originally finished the let's play. As such, I had to recreate the team from scratch. Ooops.



: "So... the first disturbance is at Meteor Falls. Please god don't let this suck."



: "... There's nothing here."



: "I'm starting to think this was a prank or something. 'Oh hey, let's send Jack on a fake errand and surprise him when he gets home'. I swear -"

[The area briefly goes pitch black. An enormous pressure overwhelms the area, followed by a creature appearing behind Jack]



: ("Jack...")

[Jack gains a cold sweat and slowly turns around]



: "HOLY MOTHER OF ARCEUS! So this is what they meant!"

: ("... Kill you...")



[Song for this bit: Amalgam - Dual Mix]

well fuck

That's definitely not normal. 

I also love it when a series does the whole "fighting an enemy you're not supposed to encounter until later" thing - the best example of this I can think of is when you fight the final boss of Kingdom Hearts 2 as a bonus boss in the HD re-release of Kingdom Hearts 1.

Anyway, this... thing is / with Intimidate. Here's her stats:

120 / 81 / 120 / 130 / 130 / 85 (666 Total)

I mean, yeesh. 



Bellamine gained Hypnosis during the timeskip and puts it to good use. Unfortunately, this weird Darkrai Cresselia thing is also very powerful and could easily slaughter most of Jack's team due to her typing.



[The Cresselia's form collapses into black dust]

: ("Wow, that evil Cresselia was super strong... I can't imagine if we had to fight more than one.")

It took all of the team just to kill her! That's... uh... telling.



: "Jeez... if this is what they were talking about then no wonder they sent me to go deal with it."

[A voice rings through the Pokephone]

[Song for this bit: X Invasion]

: "Jack! There's a disturbance at Mount Chimney! Sage Izumii needs your help!"

: "Crap, another one? Whatever these things are, they're fast."



: "Ah, Jack! I was tending to this lost Zigzagoon when this vile force showed up and disoriented my senses. It's taking all of my strength to stay seated on the mountain, so please hurry." 

: "Oh wow. I'm on it!"



: "So here's the other one... I don't know what it is, but I can already tell it's crazy strong."

: ("... All hail the demon king.")

: "What? What are you -"

[The black Lucario charges at Jack but gets deflected by Valor's blade]

: ("Not so fast, tough guy!")



[Amalgam - Dual Mix]

That thing looks siiiiick. I wish we had one to keep for ourselves, but oh well.   (The sprite was not actually made by The Composer but instead another one of our friends, Zangbite. It's an old sprite from 2007 or so but it fit so much that I just had to use it.)

He is / type with Intimidate and comes with a bevy of powerful physical moves like Aerial Ace, Faint Attack and, last but not least, Aura Sphere. 

Yeah, he means business, and I'll be shocked if anybody can take him out with ease. Here are his stats:

110 / 160 / 100 /150 / 100 / 120 (740 Total)

I mean jesus christ. To compare, Senex only has 690 BST and he's the main villain of Snakewood!



: ("One wrong move and that could be it...!")

Out of all the Pokemon I had to bring back, Juno is probably the best one. Her / type makes her able to stand up against this monstrosity without getting curb-stomped. Will-O-Wisp is also an incredible boon because this thing is way too strong.

: ("Damn, you're tough.")


: ("I'm glad Juno was here otherwise this might have been messy. Anyway...") [Cracks knuckles]

[Valor used Brick Break!]





:("Don't mess with The Crew.")

: "We did it! I hope, anyway."

[The Pokephone rings]

: "... I knew it."

: "Jack, are you there? We've pin-pointed Senex's location! He's at Mt. Pyre. No doubt he plans on repeating the zombie apocalypse bit... please, stop him!"

: "Oh no, not this again. I'll get him for sure this time!"



[Song for this bit: Magic Flute]

: "Deep breaths... it's only the same guy you beat a year ago. You can do this."



: ("Wait... Jack, I feel something else here.")

: "Huh? Like what, Bellamine?"

: ("It's like my entire body is being crushed by two conflicting forces... Perhaps he has an accomplice.")

: "Well... there was that one Darkrai Lucario that said 'all hail the demon king'. I guess he has those guys under his control too."

: ("Whatever it is, we have to be on guard.")



[Theme for this bit: Stealthy Shadow]

: "So you came, Jack. Excellent timing."

: "You nearly kept us waiting."

: "How did I know you would do this? Also, Gleis? You brought him too?"

: "Of course I did. I'm astonished that you didn't expect me to escape that wretched Pokeball. It was so humiliating being commanded by a child like you... but now I get to repay the favor."

: "Oh shove off. We beat you the first time and we can do it again. By the way, what's with the screwed up Darkrai Pokemon you've put around the place. I thought your thing was zombies."

: "... Darkrai Pokemon? I have no idea what you are talking about. That is not my doing. But you are correct about my preferences... in fact!"

[Senex snaps his fingers and summons some corpses]



: "I've made the playing field a little more even."

: "An ambush?! You have some dirty tricks, old man!"

: "Complain about it in your next life."



[Theme for this bit: Dark Boy's Revenge]

Let's do this.



His first Pokemon up is a Shinigami because I thought they were one of the coolest Fakemon in Snakewood.

: ("Oh no. Bellamine, I think I found your 'boyfriend'.")

: ("Him again?!")

: ("Oh, miss Bellamine~ Your lover boy Nero is back and ready -")

[Bellamine and Jeanne blast him with Flamethrower, Confuse Ray and Psychic]



: ("Oh come on!!")

: ("Maybe I should dump the pick-up lines if I want to impress you...")

[Nero fades away again]

: ("That'd be a good start.")



Senex also had a Headdoom for some reason. They were equipped with Flamethrower and Bright Idea (Nasty Plot) but Valor stomps them out before they can even do anything. Oh well.



Ahahahaha.

This one's easy.



It always feels good to stack like 50 Calm Minds and then obliterate everything in sight (that's not a Dark type).



They can try all they want, but there's no stopping the pain train.







Faceleech was here too I guess.



oH SHIT waddup

I made Gleis a fightable character in this! He is / with the following stats:

70 / 60 / 60 /125 / 80 / 120 (515 Total)

He comes with Psychic, Thunderbolt, Hypnosis and Dream Eater as his moves. Hypnosis and Dream Eater in particular are based off of the segment where he messes with the protagonist's head and chucks them into the Necropolis's prison pit.

I figured I should do this because he kept making a big fuss about how his magic could make Jack into his cosmic plaything, so... why not actually fight him? 

It's payback time.

: "Let's settle this once and for all, Gardevoir."

: ("Let's dance.")



He's trying to do to Bellamine what he did to Jack.

[Bellamine fell asleep!]

: ("Wh-what?")

: "Ooh, what is this?"

: ("R-Rubus...? Where are you?")

: "Haha... I've got you now!"

: ("... No! This is a trap!")

[Bellamine wakes up and uses Calm Mind!]



: "Damn, so close..."

: ("Did you really think an amateur trick like that would work on me?")

[They trade Psychic attacks and shoot thunderbolts everywhere]



: "Im... impossible! How can something like you..."

: ("You're the one who made it personal by going into my head. Allow me to repay the favor.")

[Bellamine used Psychic!]



[Gleis has a soulless look on his face and drools from his mouth]

Don't mess with her, christ.



: "Enough of this! I'm going to get rid of you myself!"

There he is. Senex would normally be the toughest opponent yet due to his blistering strength and the fact he's a Karate Grandpa, but...



: ("Nyah, nyah, nyah!")

Nothing he does can hit Juno. No, seriously.

The Dark Lord can't do anything to hurt even a simple Banette. 





This is proof that I should have brought Juno more often in the normal game.



: "How do you keep defeating me?!"

: "Easy - we're just better than you."

: "Arrggh! This is but a taste of what I have planned for you. The corpse army shall -"

[The area briefly goes pitch black]



[The two Darkmons eviscerate the zombies in the area]



: "How in the -- but I thought I killed them already!"

: "What?! What are these beasts, and how did they destroy my puppets so quickly!?"

: ("I assume it's my turn to make an entrance.")



[Theme for this bit: Demon King Odio]

: "Who are you?!"

: ("Oh, I have many names, but the one I'm using right now is Darugis.")


: ("The Demon King.")

: "N-no... It can't be. I thought you were merely a legend. But here you are, standing before me..."

: ("For some no-name necromancer, you sure did a number on this region. I'd ask you to come over to my side so we can rule this place together, but I'm well aware of how you're like.")

: "You're said to be the master of evil, hatred incarnate... Interesting. I serve no master but myself... but if I were to defeat you, then I would become the true Demon King. "

: ("How adorable. The dandy thinks he can beat me. Laugh with me, Fafnir.")

[He slaps the shoulder of the white Lucario next to him. She gives them a nervous grin]

: ("Haha... yes...")

: "So you're the one who's been making the Darkrai Pokemon?! No wonder they were stronger than anything I've fought before! And just when I thought madness and cake was the worst of my problems."

: ("Yes, that's right. What are you going to do about it, little man? You could barely stand up to just two. Not only that, you had a hard time against the necromancer and he's practically a child compared to me. Do you really want to take me on?")

: "Bring it on! I'll save this region no matter what comes in here!"

: ("Feisty. You remind me of one of my old adversaries... But are you as good as them?")



[Theme for this bit: Illusion]

Holy Hell here we go

This is so out of sequence that it's amazing. Darugis is the main villain of Dark Rising, so... spoilers? 

I don't think it really matters considering they tell you about him as soon as the first game starts.



Yeah, Darugis can just make an army of these guys? That, uh... is a bit terrifying considering how much effort it took just to get rid of two. They're definitely no easy zombies.





Thankfully, Juno manages to crack this one's skull open with her fearsome jump kicks.



Ditto for Valor. They're a battle couple, don't you know?



: ("It's not a smart idea to defy Master, you know. Give up and we'll go easy on you.")

: ("Interesting offer but we'll have to decline.")

This, my friends, is Fafnir. She is a Lugia/Lucario fusion and is /. 

She'll be more relevant later on and that's all I'm going to say about her. For now?



She gets tag-teamed by Bellamine and Jeanne.

: ("You're practically walking to your deaths...")

: "What now? We beat your underlings. They weren't that hard, big guy."

: ("Really? Then let me have a go.")





We're basically fighting Dark Rising's main villain... as Jack. Keep in mind, he has the following stats:

205 / 205 / 205 / 205 / 205 / 205 (1,230 Total)

I'm not kidding.

The worst part about it is that I also brought in all of his moves (Dark Chaos - a 200 power Dark move that also poisons 100% of the time)... and again, we're fighting him with Jack. The same Jack that used (relatively) normal Pokemon.

You can already tell how this is gonna go.





I mean, what can you do against something that strong? You'd have to like... hack in your own super uber mon just to stand a chance. 

(For those of you wondering: Yes, he REALLY IS that god damn strong in the game he comes from.

I'm not exaggerating anything... the sprite, however, was made by my friend The Composer. She's great. )



: "Wh... but how am I supposed to do this?!"

Fuckin' bodied.

: "You little whelp. Stand back and watch how a TRUE master does it!"

: "Senex, you...?"

: "Do not misunderstand me. When I take over as the Demon King, your corpse and those of your Pokemon will adorn my throne room. However, it seems I have to gain my title..."

: ("Hahaha, this is rich. You're serious? You lost to him! How do you expect to beat me? It's simple math at this point.")



: "Watch and learn, you false king."

Ooooh boy, we're playing as Senex!

I should have shown this off in the actual LP, honestly. His backsprite is great.



: "What strength!"

Amazingly, despite this being super-effective, this doesn't one-shot Senex!

They're more badass than I gave them credit.



: ("Damn, good shot. That one actually stung a bit.")

Senex got a hit in. Yowza.



He got more than one! Wow, I'm impressed.

: "Now do you understand why I'm not one to be trifled with?"

: ("Impressive. But I should stop messing around before you do some real damage.")

[Darugis used Demon Wing!]





: "This can't be how things end for me... I will become the true Demon King! I will --!"

[Senex turns to dust and blows away in the wind]

: "... Oh shit."



: ("I didn't expect that lowlife to put up such a fight... I'm actually bleeding quite a bit. A regeneration spot for something like this is embarrassing.")

: "Hey! You're not getting away!"

[Fafnir blocks him]

: ("Spare me the trouble. I have more important things to worry about than you... but since you insist.")

[Darugis shoots Bellamine with a black bolt of lightning. She falls to her knees]

[Song for this bit: Sealed Door]



: ("Ah! Jack! I... I can't move!")

: "What'd you do to her?!"

: ("While I'm no longer in the best condition to fight thanks to that dandy putting up a better fight than I expected... I still have time to mess with you some more. Your little Gardevoir friend will be teleported to my region... she'll go mad with fear as she'll have to constantly run away from my forces hunting her down. Have fun.")

: "You sick bastard!"

: ("Jack, I know you can find me. We won't be gone for long, I pro--")

[Everyone but Jack vanishes]



: "Damn it! Bellamine! I swear I won't rest until we find you!"

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Bonus team setup:

(Ambes, , Level 70, ) - "Miss Bellamine!! No!!"
 (Jeanne, , Level 80, ) - "She... she was just taken from us in an instant..."
(Juno, , Level 75, /) - "What?! No! We have to get her back!"
 (Valor, , Level 80, has Plus Band, /) - "... I'm lost. What just happened."
(Ballin, , level 71, /) - "Oh snap."

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Back-up Team:

(Reggie, , Level 65, has Leftovers, /) - "Just when you think it's all over - bam! They pull you right back in, mon."
(Zagon, , Level 63, /) - "No idea, but this is horrible!"
 (Alice, , level 63, ) - "Noooo, Miss Bellamine!!"
 (Ace, , Level 65, has Anadrin Talon, /) - "Jack, get on my back! We have to move fast!"
 (Gauss, , Level 70, /) - "What!? No! We're not going to let this happen! I'm coming with ya!"
 (Umbra, , Level 62, ) - "... Darkrai Pokemon? I'm surprised that only two were that much of a problem!"
(Tohru, , Level 60, /) - "I'm curious as to what would happen if I fought a Darkrai version of myself, honestly..."
(Pumbloom, , level 56, ) - "WHAT."
(Wagner, , Level 60, /) - "Someone that's even worse than Senex... I would have never dreamed such a thing was true."
 (Chloris, , level 61, /) - [Stares slack-jawed at what happened]
 (Beatrice, , Level 60, /) -  "Make room for me, boys! No way I'm sitting this one out!"
(Spark, , level 32, ) -  "Yo, lemme at that demon king guy. He deserves a punch in the face for stealing Bellamine!"
 (Shine, , level 33, ) - "... Somehow I don't think that would be a wise idea, Spark."
(Alpha, level 55, /) - [Is serving as Jack's computer]
 (Letro, level 50, /) -  "CALCULATING... ERROR! CANNOT DETERMINE THE STRENGTH OF THE DEMON KING!"
 (Menti, , level 57, ) - "One of the first things I hear about after getting revived and it's miss Bellamine getting kidnapped?! Are you kidding me?!"
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