Starlit Heroics: A Spectrum of Hate

Ranthael sat with nothing but a glass of water in front of him. Despite the promise of letting him get drunk, it seemed like the god was not in the mood to drunkenly spill any secrets. Nintendria just ordered a beer. Easy for him, but a single sip could send Ranthael spinning. His lack of any tolerance was inhumanely weird.

Ranthael played with the ice inside his glass, avoiding any effort at conversation.

“So,” Nintendria started, “out with it.”

Ranthael sighed and glared up at him.

“Is it-“

“It’s not Sparkles.”

“Uh huh.” Nintendria took a drink from his mug.

“Why does everyone always think it’s Sparkles?”

“Because it’s always Sparkles.”

Ranthael buried his forehead into his palm.

“If it’s not Sparkles, then who? Zora’s worried you’re mad at her for what happened at Xerizero’s fortress. You’re not…”

Ranthael refused to meet his gaze.

“You are?”

“No! I’m happy she’s happy.” Ranthael paused awkwardly, like there was a “but” afterwards. “Look, I spent ten thousand years trying to get her out of that tower and when it finally happens, she’s mortal. She’ll be dead of old age if I blink too long.”

“You’re assuming you won’t stay friends after she dies.”

“Everyone reincarnates,” Ranthael shot back. “Eventually.”

Nintendria drummed his fingers on the table. “Fine, let’s assume Zora sits around in the afterlife for a few hundred years and then moves on. That’s why you should be spending your time with her and not hiding away doing… whatever you’re doing!”

“…I know.” Ranthael returned to playing with his ice cubes.

“…There’s more, isn’t there?”

Ranthael groaned his confirmation.

“What is it? Is it more with Zora?”

“I almost died!” Ranthael dropped his head onto the table. “I only survived because Zora saved me, and Zora wasn’t even supposed to be there!”

“Uh…” For the guy who probably knew most about the universe, Ranthael sure was taking prospects of his mortality harder than Nintendria would have thought. “Hey don’t take it so hard. The guy killed a lot of people.”

Ranthael turned his head to shoot a look at him. Yeah, it wasn’t the best comfort.

“But hey, you didn’t die! Everything worked out in the end. And yeah, Zora’s mortal, but she really does prefer not to have that god thing hanging over her head. Not everyone’s cut out for that kind of responsibility.”

“Yeah…”

They sat in silence once more.

“…What else?”

Ranthael glared at Nintendria and frowned.

“I’m just going to assume it’s Sparkles.”

“It’s not Sparkles, it never was Sparkles, it never will be Sparkles.”

Nintendria crossed his arms. “Please, there was a time when it was definitely Sparkles.”

“A long time ago. Sparkles and I don’t even… I mean we fight sometimes.”

“So does everyone who’s known each other for nine thousand years,” Nintendria said. “And when you two fight, it’s more of a… sexy argument.”

“What?”

“Admit it, you like arguing with her. You find it sexy.”

“I… no.”

“You know what? I’m going to tell her. I’m done with this Ranthael. I’m going to tell her that you have the biggest, most massive boner for her and to do the entire universe a favor by riding it for a bit.”

“Please… don’t say that.” Ranthael’s eyes were wide in fear. Nintendria was probably going to use that exact wording.

“You leave me no choice.” Nintendria got up from his seat.

“No wait wait please! It’s Skittles okay!”

Nintendria turned back around to look at him. “Hm?”

“It’s… it’s Skittles I think Skittles is kinda… you know…”

“…Who?”

Ranthael blinked. “You know… Skittles?” he made a ruffling motion over his head.

“…Rin?”

“What? No. Rin? How’d you get Rin? She’s Snowball.”

“But… the last Goddess of Ice was Snowball.”

“Well yeah, they’re… They’re both Snowball. Rin is Snowball Two. New Snowball. Look it doesn’t matter! Skittles! Like taste the rainbow. Come on dude how many Goddesses have rainbow hair?”

“Oooooh,” Nintendria sat back down. “We need to consolidate our nicknames.”

“Clearly.”

“So. You have a thing for… Skittles.”

“Yes,” Ranthael said, defeated.

“Skittles is taken.”

“I’m aware.”

“Oooooh, I get it,” Nintendria snapped his fingers. “You’re being an ass and hiding away because you’re trying to make the next millennium go on by quickly.”

Ranthael didn’t respond with anything but a look of disgust.

“Because you’re thinking that Skittles’ girlfriend is going to reincarnate and leave Skittles free. It’s not gonna work dude.”

Ranthael responded by going limp and leaning back in his chair.

“Thongs blessed them. They’re good forever. And knowing your luck the girl will never reincarnate, or they’ll get star-crossed and end up back together after she reincarnates.”

“Please don’t say such things.”

“OR, Astra doesn’t think of you that way and who cares what her girlfriend does. The world doesn’t revolve around you.”

“It does if I want it to. I can make it do that.”

Nintendria sighed. “Look. Maybe, maybe it’ll work out between you and Skittles after her girlfriend leaves or reincarnates or whatever. Maybe you can get your chance with her in a thousand years, assuming of course that her girlfriend does reincarnate AND doesn’t get her fate star-crossed by the Bandit AND Astra thinks your butt is cute AND you still think her butt is cute. Assuming that all of that happens, then you can drop whatever you’re doing and hit that. But until then, do the universe a favor and let Lucientelle ride your massive boner!”

Ranthael was glad he put a muting effect around them so the sound wouldn’t carry beyond their booth.

“Can’t believe I’m being cock-blocked by a mortal…”

“Don’t get into that. You’ve heard enough stories about Earth mythologies from Zora to know that’s never a good idea.”

“I bet that Zeus guy and me would’ve gotten along real well.” In the middle of his sentence Ranthael swiped Nintendria’s beer and started to drink it. Nintendria tried to grab it back out of his hands, but was too slow. He sighed. It wouldn’t be three minutes before Ranthael started getting loopy. If he was lucky he could ask the god things in his drunken stupor, but Ranthael had learned to prime his brain with a thought before inebriating himself. He’d probably go on about this “Zeus” guy for the next hour. Nintendria braced himself for the incoming Earth mythology lesson.