Let's Play Final Fantasy Tactics Advance! (LP #???)

So we're wanted now. Nice.

Granted, we should be glad Marche didn't tell Babus his name otherwise the search would be even easier.



Accuracy for... what? Telling the time? But can't you set that yourself?

It feels like I'm missing something here. 



... Interesting problem. I wonder who I sent to fix it for her.



God damn it. Looks like we have to solve Nono's airship problem for him again.



This description sounds really pretty but let me show you what happens when you don't have the right item to do this.



You see, you indeed come across the snow fairy, but she wants a specific treat. Otherwise...



She fights you. Ivalician monsters are kooky.



As tempting as it is to just unload the rain of destruction via Nobel's newly acquired Totema ability, this is too small an encounter to justify using it.



She says we're not nice yet she's the one attacking us. One of the rare times where Clan Crimson is forced to use the self-defense card.



That said, she and her cronies doesn't last long in a serious fight.



Replace "fairies" with "people" and you have Marche in a nutshell. 



Meanwhile, Galor gets sent to jail for daring to use Fire as opposed to Blizzard. 

[s]Down with the law, up with anarchy[/s]



: "Good thing you came when you did. I was about to set someone on fire for getting to close to me."



Shooting lessons for a theology man, huh?



Would this be cheating considering Rodrigo can down a man from a block away?



Meanwhile, we send one of our trained soldiers of fortune to deal with... stopping the local cotton crop from getting blown away by a typhoon. Anything to get 100%, right?



One of the treasure hunts around here was a Ruby Earring. Sounds fancy, but doesn't provide any real benefits aside from a little Magic Defense.



No, Nobel. You're still not allowed to summon your mecha doomsday dragon yet.

: "Really? Ah, man!" [Snaps fingers]



As much as it goes against everything I believe in, we have to save that for later.



Sonia liberates Nargai Cave and comes back with [s]God[/s] Save The Queen, a sword that's generally associated with Paladins due to it being a powerful light-elemental blade. It's cool, although it gets one-upped by Excalibur almost immediately.

Meanwhile, Ardin returns from his extremely dangerous mission with some magic cotton in hand. 

: "I nearly lost my fancy turban in that weather, you know."



: "He was surprisingly easy to teach, kupo. He even handed me another bomb shell for my troubles, kupo!"

Good going, Rodrigo.



Hey, we even managed to get the really broken knife for Jugglers just from ranking up! You know what this means, boys.



It's time to wreck.



Lini being the extremely eloquent Moogle that he is comes back with a pretty flower. I think he did a bit more than teach her how to speak well if I'm gonna be real with you.



Good thing Metal Hunt is one of the repeating mis-- wait. Why don't they go on Metal Hunt themselves and save us the trouble? Oh well, video game logic, 100%, whatever.



Even in text he's bad at hiding how much of a liar he is. That's impressive.



Dude. Imagine if we had airship battles in this type of game. That'd be siiiick.



So we start the battle and the first thing Mr. Car Accident does is throw a Hardedge at us. I guess he just couldn't contain his mall ninja tendencies.



The Longbarrel teaches Concentrate to Gunners, so you know for sure what I'm going to steal in the other timeline.



Preeetty sure that trying to run after you get into a vehicular accident of any kind is punishable by law. Even by the extremely spotty law system that Ivalice has.



Montblanc socks the Gunner in the face after all of the others are dead. Given that this is Jagd Dorsa, well...



Yes, we'll just deliver this dude's corpse to your brother so he can say sorry that way. 

Montblanc, this is a Jagd and he suffered third degree burns from Galor's Firaga. What the hell are you talking about?



Good shit. More Black Robes are always welcome.



I like the little icons for items. The Adamant Alloy looks shiny.

We also get -





Guys... that's... that's the Katana that teaches Double Sword. You know, DUAL WIELDING.

We have arrived.



Sonia comes back from another mission and comes back with some mildly interesting equipment. Then again, these are peanuts compared to the majesty that is the Nosada.



Something tells me he'll be stuck as a Ninja for a while. It'll be a good thing though because if he levels up he'll be even faster than normal.



We'll need that Silvril for later. The ore hunting missions will pay off soon enough.



We also receive the Tiger Fangs, the weapon that teaches the really cool Earth Render ability. It may not be as powerful as Air Render, but it has a far greater range.

"It can hit the other side of the screen" greater is what I mean, even if it's only in a straight line.



I made a quip about this in another chapter, yes? I don't have much to say other than "hoo boy you are in for at treat."



So the Ice Cream Man tells us to find a lost Malboro child while the other one requires landscaping. Who do we send to to this?



Why, only our two golden Moogle boys. Rodrigo has Hawk Vision so obviously he'd be able to find the Malboro child...

Lini came back from the dead with Ultima Charge, so a little landwork isn't gonna tire him out any time soon.

Also, yes, the Cyril Ice is the treat the fairy wanted. Too bad she's dead now, oops. Another timeline, perhaps.



Speaking of Ultima Charge, yowza that's quite a bit. 

I'll give these guys one thing: They're really persistent if they keep attacking this same river. 



Nobel comes back from what I can assume was manslaughter complete with a Rusty Sword and a Gold Hairpin. Good going.



oh boy



The Trident takes Nobel's already prodigious strength and kicks it into overdrive thanks to Weapon Attack Plus. We're getting all of the crazy items out of the way, huh?



Lini trades in some cotton for a piece of magic cloth. I think to get 100% you have to do this more than once, so that'll be fun. [s]not[/s] 



Mysidia is a recurring town in the Final Fantasy series that's usually known for their magic. It appears in II and IV respectively, although I'm more familiar with IV's version due to being around that game more.



Lini becomes a Thief so he can do some juggling.



God damn, we're really getting all the good stuff today.



The Thor Rod teaches Thundaga and looks really cool, but its most useful benefit is that it teaches Quicken. Quicken is the ultimate Time Mage spell because it instantly allows members to act regardless of how fast they are.

When you combine that with Smile and a team of uber mercenaries, there might as well be no stopping you.



This edition of "Wanted!" comes with two Moogle boys that have been up to no good. Maybe we should send our own to teach them a lesson.



It feels kind of weird to go and skin a Chocobo. Of course this is being done at a farm and all, but... ech.



Before we encounter the Gabbana Brothers, I should bring this law up. I don't know what necessarily differentiates Techniques from Skills in terms of what they are. 

Ninja Skill vs Fighter Tech, for example. You have to learn how to do both, so... Yeah, that's always confused me.



Why did we bring Marche along? Oh well, time to bust some tiny heads.



The Younger Gabbana knows Smile. We're screwed.



Not really, but still. What I find especially confusing about the law I just talked about is that Ardin knows both skills and techniques at the same time.





You could have been having an excellent day before this. Like you got up from your bed, put on your moogle slippers and had a wonderful breakfast with your villain brother... but then you had to get Clan Crimson on your ass.

I almost feel sorry for him a bit.



Holy shit we get another Thor Rod to compliment the one we already had. Amazing.



: "I... I couldn't do it, kupo. They were so cute."

The legendary Moogle warrior has a soft spot for Chocobos, obviously.



Sonia petrifies a goblin...



Only to pay for it by not getting money. Again, down with the law.



AAAaaaaa-



Oh. Well, that was pretty underwhelming. I remember when that'd would be enough cause to pull out the Phoenix Downs, but now we don't really need them anymore.



Yesssss.



We turn Randorf into an Illusionist for a bit to see how he performs.



Nobel stabs a woman in her knee and does this much damage. That's a normal attack. Weapon Attack Plus does not mess around.



Long story short, this doesn't do anywhere near the amount the MP requires and I get mad at Randorf a bit.



Ooooh god! Context: Someone used Aim: Weapon on Ardin and wound up destroying one of the katanas he was wielding.

Thankfully, the katana that wound up getting broken was not the incredibly valuable one that was still in the process of teaching him how to dual wield. Pretty sure I'd have an endless migraine if that happened.



Lini gets a warning for... *sigh* stealing. Don't think that this changes that much as the game goes on, either.

In fact, we'll be pissing off the judges even worse in the future.



But hey, at least he finally managed to become a Juggler! This is only the beginning of breaking the game.



Ardin does what Lini couldn't do (surprisingly enough) and comes back with a Chocobo Skin.



He also manages to get us the Blood Strings, an instrument that allows Beastmasters to control Tonberries (even though they're rare as hell) while Friend is an Animist ability that randomly brings about one of the Espers like Shiva, Ifrit and the like.

Seeing as Moogles are way less magically impressive than Summoners, Friend isn't that useful.



Holy magic also counts as healing, so I'm just going at the judge right now. But hey, at least the punishment was just some antilaws that I didn't use anyway.



Wow, Nobel. Yes, Ultima Charge is really doing that much damage even if it was just on some random Juggler.



Well then. Time to add "fashion" to one of the many things Clan Crimson is capable of innovating in.



: "They handed me some money and this fancy fur coat for helping them. The drawings I made wasn't even good, so you got me..."

Sonia doesn't even have to try to impress people in Ivalice, to be honest.



Oh boy, here's the plot mission for today. It's for... stopping people from selling bootleg clocks. Huh?



Oh hey, Clan Ritz is already on the case. I guess we're not required then.

... Then again, it'd be pretty boring if we were just to stand around and do nothing.

: "Right behind you."

[Ritz appears from off screen]

: "Long time no see. You seem to be doing well."

: "Hi, Ritz. You, um, know about the bounty on my head, right?"

I mean, if you have to ask...



"And I certainly wouldn't turn in a friend just for some gil."

Hey, at least she still looks out for us despite all the stuff we do.

: "Us meeting here was an accident. We're not after your bounty. We're here on some other business."



[A crowd of people come out]

... I'm astonished that all Ritz had to do to get them to come out was say it out loud. What would she have done if they just stayed still?

: "We know you're the no-good, swindling clock-forgers!"

Imagine if cracking down on bootlegs was this exciting. Then again, does anybody really get in trouble for making a shitty ripoff game or Engrish-riddled fake toys? I think people make fun of them more than anything else.

: "They probably think they can trade you in for a pardon."

Yeah, I don't imagine that going down well:

"Yes, we totally made those illegal fake clocks and going to the judges is probably a bad idea, but... we caught the fugitive?"

"... Nah, still going to jail."



: "He says they're going to 'deal' with us, Ritz."

I love this line from Shara because it radiates how I feel at the moment.

: "We'll see who's fit to 'deal' with whom!"

Ritz ruins it because what Shara said was already good enough.



Oh well, at least Shara inflicts Doom on some poor soul.



Meanwhile, the Juggler over there threw a goddamn trumpet at Ritz. When they said to kill her with music, they didn't mean it like this!



Dude's been holding it in all chapter. We might as well let him do it.

: "Thank you, jeez!"



I love how Adrammelech just swoops down from the heavens to blow up the entire battle field with his ATOMIC BREATH. Given Nobel's current attack stat, no wonder it did so much.

The only reason the Gadgeteer survived was due to Damage > MP.



It's also what allows this conversation to happen.

: "... Yeah, I think so. He's not too happy about me being here."

Given what you've been doing lately, I can't fucking blame him.

: "Well, if we know that our wimpy Mewt is the prince here, then we can be pretty sure who changed Ivalice!"

I mean, he did read some spooky words off of a book that was radiating magic power like a generator...

: "Mewt doesn't like the other world. He's happy here. And I'm his enemy, since I want to go back home."

No, you're his enemy for trying to destroy his fantasy world and because you beat up his right-hand assistant/caretaker. Idiot.

: "So you know this is Mewt's dream world and you still want to destroy it? I'd have thought this world was better for you too."

Ritz is the only one talking sense.



Marche, being the living sack of bricks that he is, doesn't quite get it.

: "People don't pick on you or call you 'new kid', do they? Wouldn't you like to change things if you had the chance? Your brother, for instance...?"

Low blow, but she has a point. Marche is stunned quiet at this.



However, since the conversations are turn based, we get his side of the story. If Nobel wasted everyone with Adrammelech, we wouldn't have gotten this.

: "Ask me a thousand times and my answer will still be 'no.'"

: "Why? I don't understand."

I want to give Marche the benefit of the doubt and say that this kind of clan life is hard to keep up with, but then again we are also one of the most successful clans in all of Ivalice. The only reason we even have notoriety is due to Marche's own pigheadedness and because he stomped the prince's babysitter to the ground. 

Not gonna lie, I'm not quite fond of how this storyline is unfolding.

: "What is there not to understand?"



"I can understand why Mewt would want to, I guess, but you?"

So wait, Marche doesn't even really care about Mewt's reason to stay? God, our main character sure is likable.

: "That... that's none of your beeswax, Marche!"

He sure struck a chord with that one. I can only imagine how embarrassing this reaction would be to Shara, the judge and all of our clan members.



Nobel double-taps the Gadgeteer so that pesky Damage > MP doesn't kick in again. This kind of damage output is pretty sensational if I can say so myself.



: "Don't thank me. I wasn't trying to help you."

Normally I'd consider this pretty rude, but given that it's Marche she's talking to... I'm willing to give her a pass on it.



"I wouldn't want bounties on your heads too!"

: "Well, if they came looking for us, we'll just have to turn you in."

: "Yes, I think that's what we'd probably do."

This'd be reasonably threatening if Clan Ritz was reasonably threatening.

: "... Um, I guess I should be leaving."

: "Good luck, Marche."

[Marche walks away with his head low but Ritz stops him]



"Then we'd be enemies! Got it?"

[Marche walks away without a word]

I'm just glad he doesn't say anything that might incriminate him some more. 



"Why not help him? You're no friend of the palace."

: "Why the sudden concern, Shara?"

: "If what he says is true, his family is in the other world. And so is yours, Ritz. You don't intend to see them or your friends again?"

I'm surprised Shara cares/thought about this more than the two people who actually hail from said other world.

... Also, what family does Marche have to return to? Doned is here (spoilers) and his dad is gone. There is his mom, but... hmm.

: "I do, but here I've got something that I don't want to lose."



... What.

: "Hair...? Non-white...? What do you mean?"

: "In the other world, in reality, my hair is pure white. I was born that way. I had to dye it every morning..."

[Shara is completely quiet]

I'll let her finish before I give my thoughts.

: "Before I learned how, my mom would do it for me. And that... I couldn't stand it. She was always so sad... She looked like she would cry every time she took out the dye."

: "Ritz..."



"What did she have to cry about? Her hair was normal!  I was the one that should have been crying, not her! I can find family and friends here. But I'd never be able to change things in that world. I'm sure that's how Mewt feels, too..."

Oh my god, this is her big emotional problem? She's willing to stay in Fantasy Ivalice not for:

A: All the crazy magic shit you can do
B: The scads of gil and treasure you can earn with your team of super-powered bunny women
C: The ability to command the respect of people who are far older than you

... But instead of her white hair. The melodrama on this is so cranked up that it's frankly ridiculous, especially when she was describing how her mom felt about it. Sure, she gets bullied about it at school, but this is the big reason why she doesn't want to leave fantasy Ivalice? Give me a break man.

Imagine being Shara in this conversation. Hell, imagine being the entirety of Clan Ritz, who are all Viera. The remarks about white hair being abnormal might be more than a bit insulting.



Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom...



: "Well, he's probably trying very hard not to be found."

Curious. This would make more sense if the Clan Borzoi and Redwings plot wasn't happening but... it is, so Cid's comment makes no sense. Especially considering how there's a Judge at every engagement we get into.

: "I don't care, Papa! Go get him now! You're the strongest judge in Ivalice!"

: "I'm doing all I can. We're going to do a search of every town next."



Hurry or the world will break. That's pretty horrifying when you think about it long enough, to be honest.

: "Your Highness, please, calm down. Master Cid will surely find him."

: "Mama... where are you?"

: "I shall summon her for you. Just a moment..."



OH

That looks very pleasant. I really needed to see that.

Sure he's just tugging on Babus like a spoiled child, but... how can I not?



For turning in the clock bootleggers we get a God Hand (Which I've heard is a good game, btw) and some antilaws nobody cares about.





That didn't take long at all. Oh, this is gonna be fun.



We place Muscadet here. It's a Viera town hidden in the forest, so that's neat.

Next time on Final Fantasy Tactics Advance, we further disrupt the peace for Ivalice by getting the judges involved! See you then.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Missions completed: 119 out of 300 (+17)

Freed Areas: 13 (+1)

(Marche, level 18, , ) - "I thought out of all the people I knew that Ritz would understand..."
(Montblanc, level 16, , ) - "... Then again, kupo...."
(Ardin, level 18, , ) - [Swings out two katana at once] "Dude, this is sick."
(Nobel, level 21, , ) - "You know, I've jussst given up on trying to make senssse on what Marche isss doing and jussst concentrate on my own growth asss a fighter."
(Galor, level 19, , ) - "Of course. Hmm... maybe we should have a competition one day to see how strong we are compared to each other. That'd be interesting."
(Randorf, level 18, , ) - "Given how many people are learning Ultima Charge around here, that might not be a good idea..."
(Sonia, level 17, , ) - "Man, I wish I had some insane ability like you guys have. All I have are these dumb elemental spells."
(Rodrigo, level 19, , ) - [Joins Lini in arms] "This is gonna be fun, kupo."
(Lini, level 20, , ) - "You said it, kupo. Ooooooh, bang, bang, shoot your gun, kill them all right now, kupopo~!"