Nyx Plays Pokemon Uranium [Complete]

Oh boy oh boy, welcome to yet another Nyx branded Let's Play! This time featuring the one and only Pokemon Uranium! Get a good look because the download is already cease and desisted.

But you know the intro, let's get right to it.

(...sorry about the big images again. I played it at the same time as the last Apex chapter.)



The box legend looks preeeety awesome I must say.



Oh snap, a built in Nuzlocke mode. How about no for this time.



Here's our professor. Pretty sure his name is supposed to be an off spelling of bamboo, but I can't help but pronounce it as "bam-boh." Like Bambi but... Bambo.



Oh god this game is giving me work stress.



How about we skip this nonsense and go straight to the game?



OMG IT'S CUTE I WANT IT.



...are there? Anyway, this professor says he's an expert on Pokemon types, which is pretty neat considering all the Professors in the canon games have a specialty that everyone forgets about.



Ooh, I get to choose from three trainers in this game, cool!



I like the look of this girl. ...Um, boy? Non-binary scamp.



Adanna wins the lucky prize of being the playable character. Congrats Adanna!



Let's roll!



Oh, hello exposition.



Hello father.



Hello mother. Adanna has cool parents.




Does nuclear energy exist in the canon Pokemon games?




"...to take a look at the electrical system."



Custom sprite, he'll be important.



Oh dear, that's never good.



It'll go kaboom!



Of course, my mother chooses to run downstairs for some reason instead of running away. We're not told why, but the whole thing explodes with her still inside. But of course, they leave open the possibility that she's still alive. Place your wager, folks. I'm placing twenty bucks on her nuclear warping into the box legendary.



Poor dad.




Dad no Mom wouldn't want this.



...ok this is weirdly close to Adanna's actual canon. I mean, her mother didn't die in a nuclear explosion, but, spoilers, she had to live with her Auntie too.



"Their." Either the script isn't dynamically changing pronouns or I really did pick the non-binary option.



"Eyy guys what up my name's Adanna and this be my crib."



Please stop making me think about work and jobs.



Auntie I can't believe you with all your socks.



Looks like this game also has a day-night cycle.



Wow I wasn't expecting this game to be giving out Rare Candies like, um, candy.



Oh hey it's the guy from the nuclear plant. He must be the father of this Theo kid.



Uh, yeah. Player character always gets first dibs.



W-wait, didn't you hear what I just said!?



I see who's favorite.



"...the Pokemon Trainer Aptitude Test."

Huh. Is this like the starter quiz in the Mystery Dungeon games?




Theo ain't taking this bullshit.




There's only one battle style for the first half of any Pokemon game: hit it with your biggest attack. Anything else is a lesson in madness.



I knew going offensive was the best idea. I knew that. I know that. Please slap me very hard for what I end up doing.



Orchard... archaeopteryx? No wait...



Raptor torch. Now that sounds like my kind of Pokemon.



...Elegant tuxedo? That's all I got.

Ok quiz time!



Sigh, I prefer it when quizzes make it so I don't easily know which answers lead to which outcome. But these are just straight up color coded.

Well I mean what are the circumstances? Am I grinding for exp? Am I wandering through old territory? Is my Pokemon weak? Is the wild Pokemon rare? I choose to throw a Pokeball at it, just as I'm throwing this question away.



Despite Hidden Power being the best one to use competitively, I actually don't like the move much. It really doesn't do that much damage and, except for some very specific cases, I suspect hitting the opponent with a type resistance but much stronger attack ends up doing just as much damage.

I like Double Battles where Protect is very useful, so I choose that one.



This is cleverly manipulated so that the Pokemon form a type triangle. Gyarados? Gyarados.



And of course, I end up just getting to the scenario where I straight up decide which starter I want. Well, I should be able to at least see the starters.



Hm, disappointed in the fire type. That's not a raptor, it's clearly a bipedal armadillo. The water type also has that really generic monster look. Like, it's not based off any animal in particular. It's just... monster. It's not a terrible design but it doesn't stick out either. You can always tell something's a fakemon if it has this generic monster shape to it.

That cat is fucking adorable though.







Oh it's Orchard+lynx.



Ranulf is good kitty. Ranulf is strong kitty.




Wait, isn't that the water type? Did my rival really just pick the one that isn't strong against me?




I wonder if the Professors all get together and bitch about new trainers ruining their labs with battles because they can't wait to show off their cool new Pokemon.



Look at this guy.



Yep I definitely picked the non-binary option. Congratulations on your new gender awakening, Adanna.



Ah yes, the good old Scratch and Growl. Time to Scratch our way to victory.



Very... slowly...



Interestingly, Eletux has Tackle and... Water Gun. Oh, ok then. I mean, it's not like that's kind of unfair given how I have your typical starter moves but, hey, not like it's Super Effective. Good thing I didn't bother with Growl either because that would have been a waste if this Eletux used mostly its Water Gun. Which it does.



WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK? STATIC? FUCKING STATIC? ON A STARTER? FIRST WATER GUN AND NOW THIS? WHAT DO I HAVE? IT BETTER BE FUCKING EFFECT SPORE.



THIS IS TOTAL BULLSHIT. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THESE STARTERS SO BLATANTLY UNBALANCED?



Fuuuck you. Fuck your stupid little part-Electric generic monster thing.



Oh come on, now you're taking my money?



FUCK YOU THEO AND YOUR OP WATERHORSE.







WELL GEE PROFESSOR BIMBO TYPE ADVANTAGE SURE DON'T MEAN SHIT WHEN I ONLY HAVE A FUCKING NORMAL TYPE ATTACK AND ITS A PHYSICAL MOVE SO ITS PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO NOT TRIGGER THAT STATIC AND WHEN BOTH POKEMON ARE DOING ABOUT THE SAME DAMAGE THE ONE THAT'S NOT PARALYZED IS PROBABLY GOING TO WIN DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT BIMBO FUCK DID THE CREATOR EVER PLAY THIS GAME WITH THE GRASS TYPE DID THEY EVER THINK TO THEMSELVES WHEN MAKING THIS MOVESET WOW MAYBE I SHOULD GIVE EACH STARTER A SIMILAR MOVESET WHERE EACH HAS A MOVE WITH THEIR OWN TYPE ON IT TO DEMONSTRATE TYPE ADVANTAGES NAH SON LET'S GIVE THE CAT FUCKIN GROWL THAT'S A DEFENSIVE MOVE RIGHT THIS'LL BE FINE I DON'T HAVE TO TEST THIS.

Fuck.









Yeah let's just... let's just go with that.



Anyway, here's how Ranulf actually looks. He's part Steel, which I actually didn't catch in the last battle. I guess that confirms that each of the starters have a secondary type. Eletux was obviously Water/Electric, and I'm guessing Raptorch is Fire/Dark.



Battle Armor isn't a terrible ability, but it still pales in comparison to Static.



Auntie still believes in me. Auntie is good.



Sigh... fine.



NO I WILL NOT FUCKING GET HIM WHAT AM I THEO'S KEEPER HE CAN GET HERE HIMSELF.

...but I have to progress the game somehow.




...No, not hard at all.



...yes.



Mm, sure thing.



Yeah he'll do just fine with that bullshit OP starter.



Just wait until I get a Pokemon that knows more than Scratch!



Don't be nice to me, I'm still mad at all of you.



A... what?



Oh it's a Pokemon version of an iPod.



Get on with it.



This... is literally the tutorial. It doesn't even go into a battle screen. I guess I should be thankful that it's not very long, but if you're not going to teach me for real, then don't teach me for fake either.



Sarcastic yay.

Ok, onto the first route. Time to see what's on it.



That's actually pretty cute.



FUCKING HELL DID THE CREATOR EVER PLAY THIS GAME WITH THE GRASS TYPE DID THEY EVER GET TO THIS PART AND BE LIKE WOW MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T GIVE FUCKING CHARM TO THE POKEMON WHEN THE PLAYER MAY ONLY HAVE A POKEMON THAT CAN ONLY USE SCRATCH DID THIS EVER CROSS THE CREATOR'S MIND?



This is the shit I have to deal with. THIS IS THE SHIT.



I... don't know what this is based off of besides the part that is Chipmunk.





I'm done. Fuck it. Goodbye my friends. I can't any more.



Well great for you.



I got a little spoiled with Pokemon Apex's completely new trainer sprites.



This bird thing has a really cool cry but... it's kind of unnerving.



It took a little more grinding than I would have deemed necessary to get to level 5 but... it's... not... an attacking move... oh dear...

I'm going to call it there. Maybe in the next chapter I'll catch something good.

----------

Current Team:
Ranulf (Orchlynx), lv 7

Ok first of all look at this shit.



LOOK AT IT.



THREE ATTACKS.

So apparently for whatever goddamn reason, Eletux and Raptorch both have three attacks at level 5 while Orchynx gets to learn its elemental attack at level 7. My guess is that this blatant unbalancing was due to the fact that the rival battle is actually very new. In videos from 2015, the rival immediately recognizes that he got the weaker Pokemon and runs home crying. No battle. So even if the starters were unbalanced, they wouldn't effect how the game pans out. The creator probably just threw the battle in, making the same mistake as Professor Bambo and assuming the Pokemon with the type advantage was obviously going to win. Still, I'm highly disappointed in the Pokemon Uranium forum I flipped through that I am apparently the only one outraged by this.

Clearly it's because the other starters are jealous of Orchynx's obvious superiority. Ranulf may be a late bloomer, but he will return with a vengence.



But first, I get Oran Berries up the wazoo.



This relationship is not going to work out.



Here's my requirement for a bike. This poor dude is so desperate to sell bikes that he'll give me 80% of it if I can provide the other 20%. Which begs the question, why not just buy a wheel and sell the whole bike?

...Actually, it's common for bike thieves to steal everything but the front wheel if you don't lock your bike around the frame. I'm reporting you to the authorities, Mr. Bike Shop Man!



Wow, I've only heard that one a thousand times on the playground.



Huh, wonder what's wrong with this kid...?



I'm not sure how to feel about this... either the kid is an evil scam artist or this girl's a royal bitch for accusing this poor kid of ulterior motives. Unfortunately I couldn't figure out a way to resolve this so I just moved on.



Oh cool, free berries! Which one was the Bacu Berry again?



Ooh more berries. Though I'm pretty sure this isn't in the official games...



Ok now I know you're making these up.



That's not even a fictional berry that's a real fruit.



They're nothing special, just your typical status healing berries.



Oh god please don't show me around I already know what a PokeCenter is!



Oh, is there some sort of network I can connect to to trade with other players?

MEANWHILE back outside...



Fortog, the kinda... generic... frog thing...



Why does everyone love the Gen 2 phone mechanic so much? Do you people really love having random trainers interrupt your game with the same lines over and over again? Was that something you really felt all games needed?



Eventually I catch one of these Birbies and name her Robin. Birbie is a Normal/Flying type and the weird belly grin is still kind of disturbing.



Also why in the world would you give a fast Pokemon Analytic?



I didn't mention this in the last chapter, but the new UI is actually pretty neat. Dan said he didn't like it but I dunno I think it's cool. The only complaint is that the cursor doesn't reset back on Attack like the official games, so muscle memory can cause a lot of misclicks.



Also, Ranulf learned Vine Whip at level 9, finally giving him some good offensive abilities.



Barewl. It's a Rock/Steel type. It's kinda weird looking and won't stop using Harden.



North of the city is a cave. And like every fangame, the encounter rate is way too high to keep your sanity.



I'd only been posting the fakemon up 'til now, but there's some official ones too. Some of the hikers had Mankeys on their team.



The new bat of this fangame. It's... it's...

...It's pretty fucking adorable I'm not going to lie.



Look at Bubbles. Look at the unadulterated joy on Bubbles' face. This is a Pokemon with no care in its life. No sorrow. No pain. No stress. Just love. It also kind of looks like a purple Patamon.



Bubbles is a pure Poison type with Levitate. She also has Poison Gas, which brings me to my next point...

This is when I really noticed how much Ranulf was starting to shine. His Steel typing made it so nearly every wild Pokemon couldn't do more than 3 hp worth of damage, which would be instantly healed by Leech Seed. It also makes him immune to these Tonemys' Poison Gas, which is super helpful. Take that, other starters. You ain't shit compared to the iron defenses of Ranulf.



Aw, this is kinda cute too.



Heeeeyyy, I have Levitate. Sand Attack isn't supposed to effect me, remember? ...Wait it is? Goddamn official Pokemon what's the deal here?



Ah fuck it, I want it. Who's a good little destroyer of mankind? You are, yes you are.



I have no idea what type Baashaun is but it knew Low Kick.



Uh, hi.



Game. Game. Game don't. Do not. Stop. Don't do that.



Bit of a gathering around here. They're all excited for the grand opening of a new train system or something.



Ah yes I guess I am.



Oh that's... too bad?



AH BAD STALKER.



OH MY GOD WHY DO YOU HAVE THE KEY TO HER HOUSE?



I HAVE TO GO WARN HER TO CHANGE HER LOCKS!



Oh cool, a Pokemon Ranger station. I'll probably get to meet my deadbeat dad at some point on this journey.



I go to do some pre-gym grinding and IT'S YOU. THE CUTE ONE.



Normally I don't capture Pokemon if they're several levels below my weakest, but I'll make an exception for you, little Chester!

Goddamn I haven't been this pleased with my selection of fakemon since... ever.

-----------

Current Team:
I... forgot everyone's levels. TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR ME TO REMEMBER.

This is so wrong.



I'm sorry I'm just trying to advance the game!



You should be talking to the guy I got this from.



I'm s- wait you don't ever leave your house to do your job? Jeez nevermind lady let me barge in then.

But before that...



Aww it's another cutie! Add it to the I Want It list.



WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? I'LL SMASH THEIR KNEECAPS IN.



Eh.



Wait what? I'm going up against the ex-Champion?



This is actually a pretty neat twist. I hope this lady stays important to the plot.



Eh. Not a surprising type for the first gym, but not that exciting either.



We really need to improve the education system of the Pokemon world so all these kids stop making the same mistake.



This kid has a new Pokemon called a Feleng. With the fat whiskers, odd double tail, and stiff pose, it's not my favorite, even though it is a kitty. It also has this weird cry that sounds like someone doing a cat impression, rather than an actual meow from an actual cat.



But enough of that! Time to defeat Maria the gym leader/ex-Champion!



Trainer sprites are actually pretty good. This one is simple but very clean.



First up is Owten and poor Medeus gets his ass handed to him.



Remember when I was like "Going offensive is the only way to do these early game moments." Well here I am adopting the most defensive strategy I can on the first Pokemon of the first Gym Leader.



Feleng gets sent out next and this one has Cute Charm and Yawn. But that's okay, because I should have a berry for that.



Dude where's my berries?

Whatever, I don't actually have to be awake for my plan to work.



Oooh shit is that the evolution to Feleng? That's actually cool. I'm down for getting one of those.



Go Chester!



No, Chester!



Eh whatever, same plan same result as the others.



*insert Undertale reference here*



She gives me Return, which is pretty nice.



Oh good, so we are playing by Gen VI rules.



The game doesn't even bother check if I won the last battle.



Sorry kid, too late for that.



Here we go, this time I have a secret weapon.



Vine Whip it's Vine Whip.



Payback.



Bimbo gave me Rock Smash. That sounds so wrong now that I type it out.



Uuuugh fine.



Yeah, I still have those berries. Wonder why they didn't show up?



So I really like Medeus, just from it's design and its cute little growl and its potential to evolve into a badass ground snake, but by god is he not very good. I keep saying it's because he's underleveled, but it's so hard to get him up to speed when he does this. I think his stats are supposed to make him a glass canon with high speed, but it's not showing right now.



Uh... maybe.



That's alright, good sir, I am already equipped with my Rock Smash.



Uh, really, I'm fine. I got this.



Your... what? Is this a Pokemon Ranger game thing?



Are you sure that's not just brainwashing them I think this is brainwashing.



I... uh... whatever, knock yourself out dude.





Well excuse you.



I can smash these rocks to skip most of this forest at least.



LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THESE FUCKING MANKEYS. They're fast, they hit hard, and their only attacking move, from what I can tell, is Fury Swipes. Fury Swipes is one of those moves that sucks when you try to use it but always screws you over when the computer uses it.



Ranulf learns Metal Claw, so let's dump Growl for that.



Chester can finally get some good experience without doing the switch out trick.



Very... slowly...



Finally. Maybe Medeus can actually do some good shit now.



Oh yeah, I should use these, instead of hoard them in my bag.



Do you have an egg to give me? The last Professor who made me come back home gave me an egg.



Nope, he's just telling me to go do what I was already going to do anyway.



Ah, so this next route is where the wild Felengs roam.



Now this picknicker has the right idea. Make smores not wars.



I have absolutely no idea why this ant is called a Smore. It knows ember, so Smolder+? I still can't believe whoever made this game didn't think that naming a Pokemon off a food was a good idea though.



My auntie is more productive than me.



Better than Dark Rising.



Fuck it I caught one. Ember will be useful.



I literally could not think of anything else to name my Smore. I've joked about it enough I can't call it anything else.

...Damn I'm really hungry for a s'more right now.



And the bastard doesn't even know Ember. Guess that's something it learns at level 11 or 12.



DON'T TOUCH MY GAME CONSOLE.



For a brief moment I actually thought that new sandcastle Pokemon was going to be in this game.



Of all the things to reference...



Ah that's useful.



Still trying to make Medeus useful...



Not going very well. Also turns out there was a better ability he could have had...



Here's the evolution to that bear-bug thing from Chapter 1. Can't really say I missed out on much.



Oh. Nice.



THESE. FUCKING. MANKEYS.



Thankfully I was able to avoid the rest of the trainers on the route and make it to the next city with only two Pokemon left.







Ok, so our next gym leader specializes in Rock types. That'll hopefully give Medeus some experience and I can always fall back on Ranulf if necessary.



...well never fucking mind.

Also this is a complete lie. There's not a single Water type in the gym and she forgot to mention Poison type.



Is... is this a store or are you peddling me something?



Oh it's just the bitter herbs. ...So you are a peddler.



This one's kinda cute. It knows Water Gun so I guess it's the opposite of Smore.



Eh fuck it I caught one of these.



I think this was the name of the other male cat Laguz... His stats were absolute garbage and was completely worthless as a character so forgive me for completely forgetting him.



This is actually really pretty.



Alright Medeus this is your last chance. If you can't take out this Bomberman knockoff then I've got nothing left for you.







Well better than where we used to be.



So this gym is full of Rock Smash rocks. I bet the key is in there.



...eventually...



Found it. Second to last rock in the gym.



Alright, time to fight the gym leader. I'm am probably terribly underleveled and will end up winning purely on waiting out with Ranulf's Leech Seed.



So, something I finally noticed, you're never told how many Pokemon the other trainer has during battle. This almost screws me over. Almost.



Davern starts out with this thing... which I'm pretty sure is called a Gurren Lagann-mon. It's even got the star-butt that Boota has, shit ain't subtle.



Based on the name, this must be the evolution to the Barewl thing. Wonder what it evolves into...?



Oh ok it evolves into generic monster shape again. Medeus you better have this.



Davern withdrew Dearewl.

Oh shit the AI is actually being smart about switching! And shit Grozard has Arena Trap so I can't switch out! Shit I was really counting on Medeus being able to take out that Dearewl and I hope Ranulf can outspeed this Grozard and...

Is what I would have said, but as you probably can already see, Grozard is a glass canon and Medeus shattered it with one Bulldoze. Good job Medeus! You've re-earned your spot.



After this Medeus smashes that Dearewl as well. And we win! That was all, right? The gym leader's high level Pokemon was that evolved Pokemon we never saw before. Right? That's it, right?



Oh god what is this?



Oh. Oh god. Bubbles no. Why Bubbles, why? Why this? You could have at least evolved into a purple Angemon knockoff. That would have been acceptable. But this?

For the record I pretty much only have Ranulf and Medeus left and was really not expecting this. Thankfully it didn't know anything that put Ranulf in danger so waiting it out with Leech Seed ended up working.



A moment of silence for the endless joy and hope of Bubbles, for it has now finally found an end.

------

Team I guess:

Ranulf (Orchynx)
Medeus (Grozard)
Chester (Owten)
Robin (Birbie)
Bubbles (Tonemy)
Kyza (Feleng)

Box:

S'more (Smore)

Levels: Still way under what they should be.

Racism.

And now back to our regularly scheduled Let's Play.



Oh really? Team up double battles?



Oh hey it's that Sonic thing we were making fun of a while ago. I guess the blue version is the shiny. ...Are there shinies?

...There are.



Ok like balance isn't my favorite thing when it comes to game design and I can't really claim to know much about how to balance a game but I think I'm right when I say DON'T PUT CHARM ON EVERY FUCKING THING.



I know I know you wanted a Sonic reference, but when I heard the species name this was the first thing that popped into my head and I think it's quite fitting.



You know what? I don't like being able to see my Pokemon's IVs. It just makes me depressed when my newly caught Pokemon turns out to have 0 IVs in its main attack stat.

The ability's pretty neat though. Even though it's not really necessary for a Pokemon with high speed, it could still come in handy if I'm ever against a Pokemon with a higher level that's sweeping my team.



Sorry Robin, but Chester kinda has you beat as the preferred Normal/Flying type of the team.



I think this is the evolution to that other chipmunk Pokemon. Seems like it's a full on Electric type now.



A Pahar. It's cool I guess?



Alrighty. Still not a huge Hidden Power fan.



Pft. More old trainer references.



Dark puppy! Still want.



Yessss, now nothing can stop Chester!



And here's the evolution to that one frog Pokemon.



They sure are making a big deal out of this cave. I really doubt it's going to be that tough, like, it's just going to be double wild battles, right? I mean I could do that myself, but they're probably going to give me a partner.



What in Arceus' name is that? It appears to be Water/Psychic type though.



So in like twenty chapters from now if I ever start complaining that my Water or Electric type fakemon isn't evolving and it's such a high level shouldn't it evolve yet? just kick me and tell me to use one of these stones.



So it is a Fighting type. I'd of guessed Dark but whatever.



Ahahaha screw you Mankeys!



I decide to catch one of these little spidies.



First name that popped into my mind.



Ah of course, I'm partnering with Theo on this one.



I could probably do it alone but yeah sure.



Yeeeeup, double battles.



I uh... I still think I could have done this alone. ...With a lot of potions.



Thankfully the game plays nice and heals my Pokemon after every battle. Also this Rock/Psychic thing. Frankly I actually like it better than Roggenrolla and Boldore. We'll see if it can compete with Gigalith.



Oh wow a wild evolved froggy.



I'm trying to remember if there was ever a famous Barnibus that made me think of a frog but I dunno. Is Barnibus even a name? I don't know what to think after Andross turned out to be a lie.

...nah I'll still name something Andross eventually.



Sure make me go ahead.



An earthquake caused these stones to separate us and Theo ran back the other direction. Gee thanks.



Oop, boss battle.



Now this! This is why I kept Medeus around, even when he couldn't do much. Look at this magnificent beast.



Oh wait, did I say keep him? I meant replace him.



An entire plate of chocolate chip cookies to whoever gets this reference.



Turns out that Ryuki was causing all the tremors which made all the wild Pokemon go crazy. But she's a good girl now and will use her anger for good.



Puppy!



Time to switch Medeus and Bubbles for Ryuki and Alton. It's not that Bubbles was lagging behind on the team much, but better to box a hero than see yourself evolve into the villain.



How do you not love the NPCs in this game?



I was tempted, but Tonfey evolves at level 20 and I don't have any of my own Pokemon that high yet. Maybe I'll return later for it.



Oh it's you again. You're the most active Professor in any game.



With a name like Bambo'o you'd expect the guy to be east Asian but he dresses like a Hawaiian tourist and talks Australian so I'm getting a ton of mixed signals.



To the Adanna-mobile!



Earnest Bambo'o? At least make it a pun.



I get to talk to Pokemon!?



So yeah turns out someone broke into the lab and stole all the Pokemon in it. Was it... Team Rocket!?

It was probably not Team Rocket.



Apparently Owten don't speak with subjects.



Aw yeah, Detective Adanna on the case with her talking Pokemon! It's like that one Pikachu game, only everyone's going to have a reasonably high pitched voice.



Sadly the dog is still untranslatable.



New fakemon extravaganza.



Wow that's... that's bright.



Alright, time to hunt down the caper!



I can't tell if I'm bad for being human or I'm bad for trying to go the wrong way...



Apparently the lab was filled entirely with Owten. Also I'm starting to think that instead of being stolen, these Owten decided to play hooky and go make an Owten-only club. There's probably a treehouse up ahead.



I honestly feel bad KOing these Owten. They just wanted to have fun.



To make it worse, they just disappear when you defeat them. Just, poof! Gone. At least show them sulking back to the lab so I don't think I hurt them too badly.



Aww I don't want to fight him maybe we can just talk about it instead and come up with a plan that makes everyone happy?



Hey this Owten survived a Spark. He is higher level than Chester...



May as well at least compare their stats. ...Though considering he was just complaining about having no freedom I'm going to feel a little bad if I stick with Chester.



I don't actually like The Chronicles of Narnia but the lion does have a cool name.



Uh... ok, who are you?



Garli...kid? Garlikid? Garlic kid. Garlikid.

Mother. Fucking. Garlikid.



Yada yada N yada yada Ghetsis yada yada Black and White.



Okay but. Garlikid.



You know what? No. No fandom that accepts this can honestly bitch about "running out of ideas" any longer. I don't want to hear anyone ever complain about Vanillite or Klink or Trubbish any longer. Not after this. You had your chance, fandom. You were given an opportunity, and you created, of all things, Garlikid.

GARLIKID.



Anyway despite being a Pokemon... I think, Garlikid uses other Pokemon to fight. Lunapup sounds cool but I'm not too big on its design up close. It has potential to have a pretty badass evolution though. Also its typing is kind of weird. If you looked at this and thought Ground/Fighting, then... why did you think that?



Minyan on the other hand is actually pretty clever I really like this one.



He's also a pain to deal with. Blood Lust doesn't heal much but it sure doesn't help the fact that he's wiping the floor with my Pokemon. Thankfully I can always count on faithful Ranulf to pop a Leech Seed and wait it out.



I guess this is the evolution to the dark Fighting ram. I mean, I guess official Pokemon evolutions have also just been a bipedal version of its prevo, but at least the anatomy made sense. This pose looks quite awkward.



Power of Friendship!



I wasn't even joking. Also aww, I love you too my Pokemon.



No revolution for you, Garlikid.

.........Garlikid.



If you say so...



You invented a machine that lets you talk to Pokemon and yet you still didn't think to, I don't know, ask them how they were feeling?



Woohoo! More talking to Pokemon!



A+! Didn't even study.



Considering this game loves to not give me enough experience, I may actually use this.



Aslan vs Chester. Aslan has better HP and Speed while Chester has better Attack and Sp. Attack. Both have poor Defense and good Sp. Defense. It's a tough choice, but I think Chester has the better ability, so Chester can stay. Sorry Aslan.



Aw what a cute buggy.



I'll probably never use Endure, but I've never used Defense Curl either. So sure, Endure it is.



Fixed the name.



I caught this one just to see what type it is.

*

Current team:
Ranulf (Orchynx)
Chester (Owten)
Ryuki (Terlard)
Travolta (Jerbolta)
Kyza (Feleng)
Alton (Sponee)

In box:
S'more (Smore)
Bubbles (Tonfey)
Robin (Birbie)
Barnibus (Folerog)
Fabrizio (Costraw)
Avidan (Aveden)
Medeus (Grozard)
Aslan (Owten)

Time to head to the next town! Unfortunately the route was filled with fairly high leveled wild Pokemon and plenty of trainers, so I didn't get very far before I had to turn around, either to stock up on more potions or visit the Pokemon Center. I seriously must have used up 20 Super Potions by the time I was done with this route.



Th-thanks?



Apparently this Flaafy only knew Electric type attacking moves and just decided to use Charge nonstop.



Is... is that the evolution to the cute water spider? ...Oh, sorry Alton. You'll have to join Bubbles on this one.



You gotta stop with the Charm! Please no more! Not even on my own Pokemon!



Switching out Alton for Fabrizio. Not because I particularly like Costraw as a Fakemon but I desperately need more Sp. Attack users on my team.



Also Fabrizio was apparently a girl. Oops.



Ooh, nice. Tuck that one away for later.



Aha! Here's where the Tancoons are. I've been waiting for you.



Unfortunately this is right at that level where the wild Pokemon are a pain in the butt but not high enough that I'd immediately put him on the team. We'll see how I feel in a bit after trying out Fabrizio a bit.

Spoiler: She sucks.



I don't have any plans on using little Azoth as I already have Trevolta as my Electric type, but he sure is cute.



Lunapups are here too. I want to raise one of these too but I only have so much room on my team. We'll have to play...

TANDOR'S NEXT TOP DOG!



Contestant Number 1 is a Ground/Fighting type. His Mold Breaker ability allows him to hit potential Levitating Pokemon with a mighty Bulldoze. His IVs are a little rocky on the physical side but good base stats can cover it.

Contestant Number 2 is a Normal/Dark type. His IVs are a legend to behold, save for his speed which is still higher than the previous contestant. However, with Guts he can be sure to come through when the times get tough!

And the winner is...
Kylar! Contestant number 2!

Because Dark types.



Oh wow, that must be Smore's evolution. I can dig that.



What the fuck is this hand tail dragon tail hand?



Whatever it is, its Attack stat must be crazy high. One Bite takes out a third of Kylar's health!



Very useful. Remember Travolta's ability gives him priority the first turn he's sent out, meaning I can now cripple anything faster than me with priority Paralysis. ...As long as it's not a Ground or Electric type.



Rude.



Oh, this must be Chester's evolved form.



At least put up some of a fight, Chester!



Also useful.





IT IS I, SAILOR PHEONYX!

...Oh wait not that type of sailor? ...Not that type of Pheonyx?



At least Kylar can take out his creepy brain fish.



Get away! I know a bad pickup line when I hear one, old man!



Please. Please right now. Imagine a kitten using Sing. Just imagine it. Imagine a Pokemon being serenaded to sleep by this.

Thank you, Uranium, for giving me something I never knew I needed in my life.

Have you fully pleasured your imagination with the sweet fluffiness of adorable kittens singing in harmony? Good, because



HOLY SHIT MAKE IT STOP SMILING AT ME NOTHING ABOUT THOSE TEETH ARE OK



Remember when I was talking about priority Nuzzle? Yeah, because this speedy ass fucker happened! After this I was able to bring Ranulf in to take him out.



This is a reference to something... I don't know what but it has to be a reference.



Inside the cave we find lots of good Pokemon. Like a genderbend Denzia, and a level 19 Barewl. You know, in case I all of a sudden want a Barewl. Or need to trade it for something better.



Back on my way to get healed before I head through the cave, I run into this little birdie. She knows Incinerate, which I could really use, and even though her design is kind of dorky and her sprite's a little amateurish, the chances of her evolving into a majestic phoenix is fairly high.



Don't let me down, Agnis! You're only level 14 so you have some catching up to do.



Bye Fabrizio. You really weren't much help.



Man oh man Chester is evolving! This is so...!



Unexciting because we already saw this Fakemon a few minutes ago. Gee thanks random trainer.



By the way, in case you've been wondering why I'm constantly underleveled for everything, it's because I get peanuts for experience. I'm pretty sure experience from trainer Pokemon isn't any higher than what you'd get from wild Pokemon. I'd complain, but it's actually a far better way of boosting the difficulty of this game than raising the levels of everything else. It's been harder than an official game, but it never felt unfair (outside of me recognizing that I was getting less exp than normal.)



The flinch hax in this game is astonishingly high. 3/5 Bites flinched this Dearewl, and the reason I had to paralyze the grinning fish a while back was that it got two flinches on Ranulf back to back. Whoever made this Pokemon Essentials tool in RPG Maker (and yes, this is definitely using those tools. I recognize the sound effects) really needs to double check those numbers.



Oh wow, already? Sweet, can't wait to see...!





Damn look at this thing! Look at this wolf-tanuki... kitsune? Or do tanukis have multiple tails too? Regardless... look at it!



Look how big its back sprite is!



Meanwhile Ranulf gets Mega Drain and I have no idea what to do. Leech Seed has saved my butt more times than I can count, Hone Claws not only boosts his Attack but also ensures that the 10% miss chance on Leech Seed doesn't screw me over, and Metal Claw is good for type coverage. Vine Whip has 5 more base damage but Mega Drain heals... Does Ranulf have a higher Attack or Special Attack? Oh the choices...

Eventually I pick Mega Drain over Vine Whip.



Turns out Ranulf has more Sp. Attack than Attack anyway so I picked right. That was pure luck.



Meanwhile Agnis has grown astonishingly quickly compared to the rest of my team. I guess having a Sp. Attack move really does help.



In fact she's growing so fast that she's evolving how about that. Damn, it's an evolution party today!



See what I said about phoenixes? Also oh I guess that's what a Palij is. No need to trade for one now.



Outside of the cave we come to a beach area, where we meet Shellos' Glove World cousin.



Seriously man that thing's got like, utters on it.



The sand on the beach acts as tall grass, so we're not really out of the beach. It's just a change in view.



Oh thank god.



Just in case you were wondering Ranulf is nigh invincible right now. Short of Super Effective attacks, any damage that gets doled out is immediately healed by Leech Seed and Mega Drain. Couple that with Attack boosts from Hone Claws and Metal Claw and ho shit he's a force to be reckoned with. I knew you'd turn out to be the best starter.



Also the rain effects from Rain Dance persist which is really nice. I don't think they ever did that in 2D Pokemon games.



Wait what I love this music! It's not Pokemon music but this is like one of my favorite video game soundtracks.



Conspicuous rocks holds a valuable item.



Oh boy rival battle. Hope my Pokemon are healed enough...



Invincible!



Chimical... Chimera+Chemical? Sounds like a Poison type.



Oh well that's definitely a chimera. It's ability is Petrify which is basically an Intimidate for Speed. It's actually a neat ability.



Did I say Poison I meant Fire.

I uh... I guess Ranulf isn't exactly invincible to a 4x weakness.



Parrot+Audio sounds like. Flying type?



...okay. Whatever that is.



Turns out its actually a Psychic type and not Flying.



Ugh I got nothing left for Eletux...



Oh wait you're an Electric type nevermind.



I kind of feel bad for Theo? Like he's clearly very young. But he's also a tad annoying. It's just too close to real life.



Dat's where Mom is! And you can't tell me what to do sailor man! I will find my way there!





One of these days I'll go to a new town where the first person I talk to isn't full of sin.



Uuuuuhhhh... you selling me what now?



Oh, that's actually a good item to have. I'll take ten.



[Looks at team.] Damn I love you all now, but I want to know whats in the egg...



So we appear to be in some mix of Los Angeles and Las Vegas... which sounds fucking awesome. Get on it real world!



Why are we talking in red!?





Make sure you come back tomorrow.



Good place to stop for the night... Hopefully the Terminators don't get to me.

Uh maybe... who are you? Oh, this is a Ranger office. Does that mean Dad's here?



Hi Dad look how powerful I've become! Do you love me now?



At least he sent word.



Gee, I wonder who's fault that is?



*tumbleweed*

And... not because you're here? That's cold Dad. You wouldn't think I'd come all this way to see you?



YOU COULD HAVE DONE THAT AT ANY TIME IT'S NOT THAT FAR TO MY HOME TOWN YOU CAN PROBABLY RANGER UP A PIDGEOT TO FLY YOU THERE AND BACK IT'D LITERALLY BE HALF A DAY YOU COULDN'T EVEN DEDICATE A HALF DAY FOR ME?



DO RANGERS NOT TAKE SUNDAYS OFF?



Uh he's fine I guess let's keep talking about me?



See Cameron still comes home and he works all the way out here too.



Ten Christmases in a year to make up for everything you missed? Well if you say so.



Oh come on why don't YOU do it?



They can wait!



You're right, I'll just ignore this responsibility and continue on doing my Pokemon trainer job for the Professor. That's what this family does! I'm going to my room!



I'm sure it's just because I didn't play the Ranger games but I feel like the whole organization is a bit smug.



...Always remember to QA your games, folks.



Huh, the game seems to put nuclear energy in a good light. It's actually true, nuclear energy is actually very efficient and leaves very little waste compared to coal and fossil fuels. It's just that when the power plants break down, they tend to leave a giant crater and kill everything for miles. So, you know... Most people tend to focus on the latter part.



Oh my god Dad you're the worst.



There's several places in this city where the apostrophes are replaced with boxes like that. My guess is that the author forgot to change the encoding to take away "fancy" apostrophes (the slanty kind that Word uses) and it shows up as an unknown character.

In fact, there's a lot of bugs that show up in this chapter...



But anyway let's stop off at this gym first!



Ugh fine, I'll deliver your stupid letter...



Wow that's a terrible trade off.



I'm going to hurt this kid.



Bug #2, for some reason in this double battle, the opponents' Pokemon don't play the fainting animation when their HP drops to 0. The new Pokemon just replaces the fainted Pokemon's sprite, and if its their last Pokemon then the fainted Pokemon just sticks around to watch I guess.



Ah, good to know about Minyan and Lunapup, in case I decide to use one later.



Aaaaand this is where I forgot to turn down the resolution again. I should just stop trying to bother, at least it'll be consistent.



Yeah... Complain to Kellyn about that for me.



Oh... Guess Theo's coming along too.



I mean we're not THAT young... geez.



Oh right, Theo's dad used to work with my mom at the old power plant.



Oh, really now?



Or a mutated mother, but sure. We'll call that closure.



Strange Pokemon? Like... radioactive Pokemon?



Theo gets sent home because his dad actually has sense.



Got some berries and NUCLEAR TYPE! Actually I already knew about it because it's like, the top thing that's advertised about the game. COME SEE THE NEW NUCLEAR TYPE POKEMON!



Ooh, like Shadow Pokemon in Orre?





I dunno sounds like he's been spending his time looking for my mom for some reason. I mean a normal person would just give up after 10 years and admit that she's probably nothing more than a stain on the ground anymore but... Does Cameron have the hots for my mom? We never did meet Theo's mother...



RADIATION POKEMON



Nah nah this joke's terrible. I'll save it for when I capture a Nuclear/Dragon type.



Hello Liv, my first Nuclear type.

Sadly there's no PC on this island, so I can't see if the Nuclear versions of Pokemon differ much from their normal versions.



Nuclear Owten...



Thankfully the Nuclear type seems to be weak to Dark type. ...And Flying type. And Normal. And- ok the Nuclear type seems to be weak to everything why was everyone back at camp acting like this would be a difficult task?



In fact, except for the first Nuclear Tancoon I found, every one of these Pokemon go down in one hit. At least they're easy exp.



I'm sure it has nothing to do with the radiation.




Please be my real father who actually cares and loves me!



Oooh, the ambiance is pretty creepy in here.



I have no idea what this is for but ok.



Just has a lot of broken words, nothing really interesting.



Alphys' secret lab feels intensifies.



A specimen? I think the Power Plant was up to more than just generating electricity...



Hm...



Still getting peanuts for exp.



Chief researcher, wasn't that my mom? Hm, the plot thickens.



92 of these projects? Jesus, even Team Rocket decided to take a break after their first experiment.



Oooh, what inside? The box legend? It's a bit early for that but hey you never know.



Oh yes, definitely.



Dammit.



Uh oh...



W-wait, how'd I end up here? Did the floor crumble?



Aaah Nuclear boss Pokemon!



Oh right I still have this thing.



HOLY SHIT CHILL. Apparently radioactivity turns you into a mindless murder machine!



AAAAH ITS A I don't know what this is.



But whatever it was, it was very easy to capture. One Great Ball.



Oh, this is probably the evolution of that Costaw thing.

Also I didn't notice until I was writing this chapter, but this thing is classified as the Birdo Pokemon. Yes, Birdo, as in the Mario character. Just why game. Why?



It's technically not a hydra, but whatever.



Uh oh, guess beating up all those Nuclear type Pokemon finally got to me.




Best dad's coming to save me. I love you best dad.



Some burnt notebook pages, a bunch of Nuclear Pokemon, some tank thing that probably had something in it... I'd be surprised if Cam doesn't know anything about it, since it's said he's searched as well, and it's not like I went all that deep into the power plant.



Uh, I think I found 4 of them? And if you know about the reports, then you probably don't want that info to get out...

It's left at that and I'm free to go back to Belbeach.



Wait Pokemon Power?



IS THAT A THING IN THIS WOR- oh wait Team Rocket did use Electrodes in Gen 2.



Ship iiiittttt.



Alright, back in the city. Don't I have a gym to defeat now?



But first, let's take a look at my new Nuclear type Pokemon.



Oooh, what's Gamma Ray?



No it's not just you, this screen is totally fucked up. For those of you who don't want to strain your eyes to read the description, it says "A blast of nuclear radiation that is super effective against all types." So I guess that means Nuclear type is weak and super effective against every type. ...It's a gimmick type. It's probably useful for Glass Canon types but I'll pass on using Liv for now. Hydra may have been useful but oddly enough she doesn't have any Nuclear type attacks.

...probably to keep her from sweeping my entire team in the boss fight. Oh well, I'm sure we'll get plenty of opportunities later to pick up more Nuclear type Pokemon.



Gym time!







And make it double! I mean sure.

Seems like this gym specializes in "beach" Pokemon. So literally everything that was wild in the last route. Awesome, I really wanted to fight more coconut crabs.



The anime already established that this is a terrible idea.



Why do gym leaders always give you their life stories when you go to fight them? And wait Brainoar? Oh god the brain fish evolves and I bet you have one, don't you?



That's actually kind of cool that she's a lifeguard though. I like the idea that gym leaders are also community leaders but the games rarely go into it.



Problem with being a spriter for so long is that I just see the individual parts that make up this mug and not the character herself.



Trainer sprite's cool, surfboard has some weird texture/pattern thing going on.



UGH not this thing. I still cannot defeat one of these unless I Nuzzle+Ranulf it. And since Travolta is part Ground type, I have to let Chester take the fall first.



The previous battles, plus two Super Potions on the Tubjaw, left Ranulf with only two PP of Mega Drain left. Good news is I had an Ether. Bad news is that this screen, while not as fucked up as the other one, is completely unresponsive. The only thing I can do here is hit the back button, which instead of going back tries to use the Ether on the move in the first slot (Hone Claws) and ends up wasting a turn. This is the first actual game breaking bug I've run into and now any item that affects PP is completely useless. For a fangame that got this much attention, this sort of bug is pretty unacceptable.



The fuck is a Sableau? A Sable Alternate Universe? French Sable?



Nah just sandcastle Gastrodon.



Bajesus, this is going very poorly.



Alright, I have one last Mega Drain, CAN HE DO IT?



FFFFFFFFFFUCK



The good news about AIs is that they're easy to read.



Next up is brain fish so I guess we won't be seeing its evolution today.



Coconut crab evolves into...



Pineapple crab!

Despite Pineapple being a Grass/Ground type, it still knows Crabhammer. Agnis dodges one and gets a Flame Burst off before succumbing to the second.



Ranulf's completely useless here. Leech Seed doesn't work against Grass types and he's out of Mega Drains. But we can do this, I have a plan.



Bring Travolta back with a revive so we can Nuzzle-

Wait Ground type FFFFFFF-



Thankfully Travolta picked up Mud Shot in the power plant which accomplishes the same goal. Hopefully it's enough...



I was going to use my second revive on Chester but I think Kylar can handle this.



Nevermind Kylar cannot handle this.



Finishing blow?



Outta there!

Gym leader is down! Got my third badge!



Stop off at the Pokecenter for a job well done.

Welcome back to another episode of Pokemon Uranium. This is ya girl Nyx here and today we'll be-



Wait... what? Oh no don't tell me...



I FORGOT TO SAVE!? FUUUUCK shit damn balony!

Alright let's do this tango again.



At least I can do this outside of battle.



Yada yada green grin



Yada yada Sable



Yada yada brain fish



Yada yada pineapple



This time it only took one revive so I guess it wasn't too terrible.



Get that shit saved!



I completely forgot what I was supposed to do after beating the gym leader so I go say hi to Dad again. He acknowledges my exemplary result with the letter love me daddy and then proceeds to not give me any further direction.

Oh yeah I guess there was that dock on the other side of the beach. Maybe that's open.



Uh oh, the already dark night got even darker!



Uh... did I do that? Remember when I found the tank thing and set it to restore? Let's just pretend that never happened. Yeah, these power plants are always exploding. Hahaha...



Good to know he still cares... About everyone else.



Oh, okay thanks. I guess this makes up for one of the years you missed. Also the S.S. in S.S. Anne stand for Steam Ship, so by making your boat the BBFerry, it's... what? The Bubble Boat Ferry?



Nuclear types can't be Rangered I guess. Gotta do this the old fashioned, trainer way!



Still no threat at all.



Shiny Pokemon glow, right?



A pair of Nuclear Corsola attack. I wanted to actually catch one, but again, it's really hard not to accidentally knock them out.



What the Arceus did you just thank? I'll have no heretics in this game. All praying must be directed towards Arceus, Lord Helix, the ancient Pokegods of myth, or maybe Mew if you're feeling old school.



Oh. So does this guy have Pokemon of his own then? I don't know how he would use his rangering alongside me in battle...



...Nevermind.



Oh well, I'm definitely catching this one.



Thankfully Gyarados actually has good defenses, so even my Super Effective attacks don't immediately take its hp down to zero.



Arceus fucking dammit.

Anyway I get to the boat from the last two chapters and get in via my Ferry Ticket.



The problem with almost every boat in Pokemon is that they never tell you which room is yours. After that last battle with the Gyarados I have two Pokemon down and I'd like to heal them before I take on a boatload of trainers.

Is it... on the far left?



Fuck nope it's a rival battle.



In a shocking twist of events, the rival doesn't immediately battle you.



I know, I hope your dad's ok too.



Yeah I'm sure he'll be fine let's change the subject.



Eh, whatever. I can still win even with two Pokemon KOd.



Yada yada Dearewl



Yada yada- wait what the hell is this? Chupacabra plus... some Spanish word?



Ryuki swaps Endure for Dual Chop.



And, oh, you must be Eletux's evolution. Still goes down to the same strategy.



Very... slowly...

By the way, if you're wondering why it's taking so damn long for Ranulf to evolve, then don't worry because I wondered that too. So here's why. THE FUCKING STARTERS ONLY HAVE ONE EVOLUTION.

You know what? No. Children, Pokemon fangame designers, gather 'round. You too Apex! You're just as guilty as Uranium. You know why the starters are always three stage evolutions? Because you're supposed to grow with them! It's supposed to mirror your progress as a trainer. I know you want to be ~different~ but don't. Not in this way. If you really want to be different then change up the type triangle, but keep three evolutions in.

Oh by the way, the starter evos also have Mega Evolutions and boy do I have harsh words when we get there. (Spoiler: The Mega Evos should have been normal evos. Even their design screams third stage evolution.)



Oh by the way, this Electruxo is actually animated. ...Sort of, it has a frame rate of about 1 frame per second. So it's very weirdly slow.



That's new. I'm sort of afraid I'm going to accidentally break this kid's spirit. In fact I'm surprised we haven't had a rival completely snap yet. You're doing great except this one perfect kid keeps kicking your ass every time you battle him or her. That's gotta wear on you.



What!? I haven't even done anything yet!



Oh, ok. Phew.



Found my room, it was the far right one. Also this boat only has four total rooms in it. Some luxury cruise.



Nice.



Eh.



You know I really doubt the medicinal effects of a simple backrub. I'm starting to get suspicious of this guy...



Augh I should have known! Fuckin creeper, trying to elicit explicits from this little non-binary scamp. I know your game!



...Um



We'll just... ignore that...



Next route's a farmland. It's actually pretty nice and the Crystal Chronicles music is still playing.



This guy knows what's up.



Oh, this one's pretty cute. I guess I'll...



Just leave me to my misery.



I try again and hoooly shit, this little fucker just won't stay in her fucking ball. I waste all of my Net Balls, Dusk Balls, and almost all of my Great Balls before I finally catch her.



How I felt afterwards.



O-oh... Um, right. Tolerance. That's what... I said before, right?



My nostalgia doesn't actually involve farmland and the religious south.



Five second rule?



I check out Glaslug and it's kind of ok? I looked it up on the wiki and everyone said it becomes a great tank when it evolves. But it also evolves via Water Stone, which if you'll recall, Pokemon that evolve via stone don't learn any attacks after evolving. So I have to put up with lackluster stats until around level 40ish when it learns Ice Beam. Not really interested, to be honest... Maybe if I need a Water or Ice type soon.



Rebuy plenty of these because SOMEONE was a little stubborn asshole.



Excuse me but what? Have you heard about our lord and savior Helix?



Is this one of those churches where I can confess my sins because between this and Apex I have a list forming.



Ah yes, the three great elements: Wind, Water, and Arceus. At least this kid knows who's really on top.



Everyone here seems pretty open actually.



Ooh ok.



His Scarffiness takes offense to that.



Reshiram and Zekrom?



I guess these will be the legendaries I can find... though I'm pretty sure the box legend (or well, the start screen legend) is man-made. I mean, since it's like 99% going to be a Nuclear type.



Don't take candy from strange pastors, Adanna.



Kyogre?



Not Kyogre.



Next gym leader uses Steel types. Between Agnis, Ryuki, and Travolta, this should be easy.

But before I fight the gym, I have some exploring left to do.



This lady's house isn't far from the city.



...Have you considered wild animals?



Oh, it's a crop circle thing.



Oh alright fine, I'll go chase away whatever wild Pokemon is messing with you. I mean, not like it's actually aliens, right?



This part's actually a minigame. You have to make your way through the crop field without getting spotted by... whatever these little creatures are. Get spotted, and you get sent back to the beginning.



Turns out its actually really hard. There's some that move in a predefined patter, and even though they're a bit fast it's still simple enough to time your movements to get around them. What's really difficult is dodging the ones that lie in wait in the tall grass. It's pretty easy to miss them because you were focusing on dodging the moving ones.



But eventually I got to the boss and it's... actually an alien.



I'm... not even sure this thing is a Pokemon. I can fight it like a Pokemon, but can I catch it like a Pokemon?



Nope. ...I was not expecting this.



The aliens can talk!



Oh. ...The reason I couldn't catch it was because it was already owned by another trainer. Clever game, clever.



Sheldon? You mean the gym leader?



Wow, this gym leader is a total grade A asshole. How dare you insult this small town with their strange religions!



Don't make me get all sassy on you.



Yeah and you better remember it when I come for your badge!



What? No! I wasn't allowed to battle them remember? HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO CATCH ONE!?



Oh. ...thanks.



I could not think of any other names.



Alright Sheldon, let's do this!



Despite being a Steel type gym, the trainers all have a distinct lack of Steel types, save for more Bobs. This one must be the evolution to that cute little fuzzy bee. So far the only one of this bug trio that I like better in its second stage is the fire ant.



The gimmick here is that there's invisible tiles to get to the next platform. These towers will send a small light that traces the invisible flooring. The easiest way to progress is to just follow the light as its cascading down the tiles.



Knock knock knockin on Sheldon's door



Sigh... At least when you beat her she snaps out of it.



Alright let's go!



First up is the prevo to the last alien we fought. These things are Steel/Psychic types so Kylar makes quick work of it. One bite takes away about 3/4ths total hp, which also means I can easily drain the two hyper potions that Sheldon has. Gotta love gym leaders who blow their two restore items on the first Pokemon with no chance of winning.



Second up is Gararewl, and I'm honestly not disappointed that I never bothered to train one.



Ryuki is on fire!



Third up is Cometor. I guess for a Pokemon based on a rock it's actually pretty cool. Frankly I still like it better than the Roggenrola line.



And finally we have Tracton, the... tractor Pokemon.



So I set up a Leech Seed and... turns out this sonofabitch has an attack stat so high that it can OHKO all of my Pokemon, with the exception of Ranulf. It's also part Dragon and primarily uses Dragon Claw.



This thing just ripped through all my Pokemon. I tried to fight it again but did even worse this time. Even with Travolta's Mud Shot to bring down its speed (I tried Nuzzle in the first match but guess who has Motor Drive as its ability?) but it still outsped all my Pokemon. Guess I'll have to do some grinding then...

It's time to grind. And by grinding I mean give Ranulf two Rare Candies so he evolves into this. This is Metalynx, Ranulf's final stage evolution. Sure doesn't look like it'd be perfect for a middle evolution, no sir. At the very least it has the base stats of a third stage evolution, so imagine going from a Bulbasaur straight to a Venusaur. That's how much of an impact this one evolution is.

Also why this two stage starter Pokemon thing is fucking stupid.



This sneaky item was hiding in the grass.



Swaggidity.



!!!!!!!!!!!

SHINY



AAAAAAAAAAAH

Ok so Pokemon Uranium rose its shiny rate to 4x that of X and Y, but still it's cool. I name this one Lumos because the idea that it's yellow from being a ghost of light instead of a ghost of darkness sounded really cool to me.



Decided to switch out Lumos for Ryuki. As much as I liked her, she eventually succumbed to the same problem I originally had with Medeus: too fragile and didn't hit quite hard enough to be a good sweeper. I also decide to teach Lumos Hidden Power to make up for the shitty movepool he has. I was trying to figure out what type it was, and eventually got it down to Ice or Fire, but it didn't matter anyway as I soon switched it for Psybeam.



What the... is that Cubfly's evolution? ...It is. Dang it's cute, I might have stuck out a Cubbug if I knew it would evolve into that. It's not really a bear though, looks more like a dog.



Switch out Astonish for Hex, and then later switch out Spite for Dark Pulse, which I had as a TM. As Misdreavus evolves via Dusk Stone, I'm going to wait for Lumos to learn Shadow Ball at level 41 before evolving him. Thankfully I already have a Dusk Stone from all the way back in Chapter... 2? 3?



ROUND 3 LET'S DO THIS. Also turns out that Gararewl is a pure Steel type, unlike it's previous evolution.



Amazingly enough, Lumos gets the KO on one of Sheldon's Pokemon, getting him a good amount of experience points.



Ok, sending out Travolta to get a priority Mud Shot in. Hopefully with my grinding (of one level) and the speed decrease, I'll be able to deal damage to this thing and not get totally curbstomped.



Wait... what? WHAT?



SPEED BOOST!? WHERE THE FUCK DID SPEED BOOST COME FROM? YOU HAD MOTOR DRIVE MY LAST TWO ATTEMPTS! WHY DO YOU SUDDENLY HAVE SPEED BOOST NOW? GYM LEADER POKEMON AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE RANDOMIZED LIKE THIS! AUGH.



Thankfully with Ranulf's new amazing form, he was able to tank four or five Dragon Claws before needing a potion, which allowed me to sit back and sap away Tracton's HP with Leech Life.



Haha shows you.



Ooh this actually sounds like my kind of badge.



And for our parting words, sage advice on the proper use of Gyro Ball.



Uh... Who?



Oh, he probably means Theo.



In case the mere mention of your rival doesn't send you running straight for the Pokemon Center.



Yep, he was talking about Theo. Poor kid really gets the short end of the stick, NPCs can't even remember his name.



Trust me kid, that's nothing to be upset about. That Tracton was bullshit.



Oh my god he's finally snapping. I knew this day would come.





No! Your dad's the best! He has to be alive!



Wait this isn't a Pokemon battle, this is smog! A few tiles left of center!



That's not good...



Either every Ranger in the region has a Staraptor, or this Ranger in particular has been following us. Either way, that's one strong Staraptor.



Well... at least I definitely was not responsible for it this time.



How many power plants exist in this region?



They also glow and turn into a gimmick.



Ooh me! Me! I want easy exp!



Wait... seriously?

Yep, turns out that Steel is the one type that resists Nuclear, other than Nuclear itself. Just one more point for why Ranulf was the best starter.



Oh, how convenient for you, Sheldon.



Dude, you want to go back a chapter and read the shit you said? You really were a real jerk.



Theo gets shot down in three... two...



I'm going to have to take Theo's side on this one. Not like the Pokemon world is very good about preventing ten year olds go on journeys by themselves, and his Pokemon are almost as strong as mine.

...Almost.



I don't know, do you have a Rare Candy? The last priest I talked to gave me a Rare Candy.



Heck yeah.



This exists. I haven't been worrying about my Pokemon's EVs anyway, so eh.



Dad's here. Dad let me fight let me prove how strong I am.



Yay! We're going to be a family again! Wait what happened to Cameron where's he?



Oh, ok nevermind.



Ooh thanks bro.



Empirilla? Is that your Pokemon or do you just have a very fancifully named Ranger partner?



I just had a thought... If Nuclear type is strong against every other type (except Steel, apparently) then that means any Pokemon with two types receives 4 times normal damage. Jesus, maybe I should pick one of these up. That might be in the realm of over powered.



Glowstick puppy!



This thing has Nuclear Slash and Half Life, a Nuclear attack that halves the HP of the opponent, not to mention Gligar's a pretty good Pokemon anyway. I probably won't use it, as I'm still pretty happy with my team, but I catch it just in case.



Don't just stand there, protect the innocent Owten from the evil Nuclear Ekans!



Or... not Ekans.



1. Holy shit this thing's fucking huge!
2. Oh that's an Empirilla.



How is it that random people you happen to meet up with can heal your Pokemon on the fly? Like thanks dad but why don't I ever have this magic power?



Oh no it's probably a Gligar and Aveden this time.



Oh ok it's actually snakes this time. Also is it just me or is it super cool that Nuclear Arbok has the hazard symbol on its body?



Snakes... Why'd it have to be snakes?



It's ok, I just demand every missed Christmas to be paid out by the end of the year.



This is a start, old man. This is a start.



Did you just call my dad fat? Or was there some other guy handing out Strength in this town? [s]Or was that how you got it in the beta version and the dialogue was never taken out?[/s]



We can finally take off Tackle on Kylar. I love him, but his movepool is utter shit.



Get outta here you son of a bitch.



Subway's open, but for some reason I have to actually buy Subway tickets. Thanks capitalism.



Okay, next gym is on the other side of this rainforest. The music here sounds familiar, but I can't figure out where I've heard it before.



A bunch of new Pokemon here.



The berries here grow on trees, so that's cool.



Oh boy... The bug types are here.



I check this inconspicuous stone and get... a stone.



Even though I already have a Grass type, this thing is obviously going to evolve into a Grass/Dragon Quetzalcoatl thing and that sounds awesome.



Enter... the bug cave. It's called Anthell and I'm ashamed to say it took me way to long to realize it was a play on Ant Hill or Ant Hell.



This is new. Kind of a cool bug I guess.



This would creep me the fuck out.



Fisherman Dick and his long fishing rod.



What the... not sure what this is for but it sure seems important.



See I knew that thing would evolve into something cool.



Finally replace Mega Drain with something a little more powerful. Strangely enough, Orcharynx's higher attack stat flips once it evolves into Metalynx. Having a higher attack than special attack makes sense for the design, but at the very least make the two evolutions match.



Guess this is the final evolution for Birbie and Aveden. And its beautiful, illustrious hair.



And it's weirdly high special attack stat which crushes everything with Swift.



It was a pretty tough route, I'll give them that. Agnis and Chester sure got a lot of experience though, what with having to fight off Grass types first and Bug types second.



When they say they don't have electricity, they mean it. There's no PC here, so you can't switch out Pokemon unless you want to trudge all the way back through the cave and rainforest.



Ooh, a queen bug Pokemon.



The sassiest sign I've ever seen.



Instead of a traditional Pokemart, you instead trade berries for items. It's pretty neat, especially since I wasn't really using berries anyway. I can also buy revives, which I could use some more of.



You can also trade in berries for Pokemon. The first three are too common to be worth the berries, but I've yet to see a wild Chimical, and I don't know what that Flager is.



Oh boy... Fire type. So, pretty much Travolta is the only thing strong against this gym's Pokemon.



Back into the cave we go. We have to use this on the wall of bugs from before.



Like Mosquito. Other bug catchers in the deep part of the caves were named Fly and Ant. I think they were supposed to be possessed by whatever queen bug Pokemon lives down here, but still... Ant.



Hello, you must be Tiko. I have to admit, for a Fire Type trainer, you sure got your ass handed to you by a bunch of Bug types.



He prays to the correct god, we may save him.



I... wasn't aware I could see whatever clothes you are wearing, but whatever, I don't judge man.



Boss battle...



Whaaaat? But I wanna...



Ugh, fine.



Well this thing sure looks imposing.

Seikamater is basically Vespiquen on steroids. Its attacks are Attack Order, Defend Order, Heal Order, and Night Shade. It's not much of an offensive nightmare, but the combination of Defend Order and Heal Order can really screw you over.



It's also Bug/Normal type.



Thankfully, critical hits don't take stat increase into calculation, so one critical hit takes out the last third of its HP before it can heal.



Ew.



Gym's unlocked. Wow this is a fancy gym.



Seriously man I'm not judging I personally am not the skirt type, but I understand that they can be very comfortable.



Gym is a puzzle where you have to push rocks on and off of switches to open a path through the fire. It's about the difficulty you'd expect of a gym.



Oh so that's a Flager.



Decided to check out some of the items I picked up. I suspect it's like a King's Crown in that it evolves certain types of Pokemon. Decided to look it up, it evolves Primape into Empirilla. Yeah that Empirilla. Who knew.



Royal Jelly also has a description that suggests it evolves a Pokemon, probably into another one of those Seikamaters. That's actually a really clever way of giving me what I suspect is a legendary Pokemon without letting me catch it and instantly wreck shit.

Originally I thought those Harpteras was a prevo of Seikamater, but turns out they're unrelated.



Alright, gym battle time.



Interestingly enough, this is probably the best mug sprite so far. Trainer sprite not so much.



First up is a Palij. Sadly Lumos has to take the fall for being the scout.



Palij easily goes down with priority Nuzzle+Electro Ball. Travolta can really set himself up for some strong combos.



We destroyed dozens of these in Anthell cave and this one is no different.



The evolution of Palij, Dyna Blade from Kirby. Still looks cool.



Still goes down to Nuzzle+Elctro Ball.



I know this is supposed to be Chimera+Anaconda, but I can't help but think the name is derived from Chimichanga. This thing was difficult but not impossible to deal with.



Please don't be a cheetah.



It's a fucking cheetah. Oh well, Nuzzle and Mud Shot should take care of it, right?



Nevermind. Despite the fact that it was paralyzed and being paralyzed cuts your speed to 25%, this thing still attacked first and annihilated my team. It either had brokenly high speed, or there's something fishy going on with its ability...



Oh, so not only was its main attack priority, but it got a 1.5x damage boost for it!

How the fuck am I supposed to beat this?

So in case you missed the discussion, Inflagetah turns out to be the most broken thing ever. Like, let me tell you how broken this thing is.

Inflagetah's most similar real Pokemon seems to be Gale Wings Talonflame. Both Pokemon thrive on having a high power priority move. If you do the math, Inflagetah+Flame Impact is slightly more powerful than Talonflame+Brave Bird. But unlike Talonflame, Inflagetah only takes 25% damage from Stealth Rocks, and can fall back on a second priority move, Extremespeed, in case the Pokemon resists Fire.

But the real kicker is that it doesn't even need priority. Inflagetah has a whopping 100 Attack stat and an ever crazier 150 Speed. In total, it has a Base Stat Total of 555, and to top it all off, it learns Flare Blitz. To put that in perspective, the only real Pokemon with a Speed stat the same or higher is Deoxys and Ninjask. Deoxys is of course an Uber, and Ninjask only has 90 Attack, 456 BST, and its strongest move is X-Scissor.

By all means, this thing is super fucking broken. It's basically fighting Deoxys with an optimal moveset with all your Pokemon at level 30.

So sadly, I again am forced to grind.



Very... slowly...



Ooh, I knew that grass bird thing would evolve into something nice.






Before I even get the chance to use it, Ranulf replaces Energy Ball with Leaf Blade. Interestingly (or poorly designed-ly) Ocherynx has a higher Special Attack, but Metalynx has a higher Attack stat. Good thing I caught that.



Unfortunately I wasn't documenting this fight because frankly, I wasn't planning on winning. So here's what happened:

When I got back to Inflagetah, I paralyzed it with Travolta and got lucky enough to stun it for a turn. So on the next turn I decided to follow up with a Charm. After Travolta took a Flame Impact to the face, I took out Chester and... Inflagetah used Ember. I'm really not sure why, and it only seemed to be the case with Chester, but for whatever reason the AI decided that Ember was the best move to use against Chester even though Flame Impact should have still been more powerful. The insistence on using Ember was enough for Chester to outpower the Inflagetah and win the gym battle.



This is exactly what you think it is.



Sure kid, sure.



Sigh, fine.



Theo's got all the same Pokemon as last time, but his Paraudio evolved into a Paraboom.



Still with Theo on this one. I mean he's probably the easiest rival in the games outside of Wally, but he's not a bad trainer by any means. And again, not like there's plenty of NPCs equal to his age running around as well.



Regardless, he gives me Surf and tells me where to go next. Awesome! On my way to...



...Fuck. And remember how the town I'm in doesn't have PCs? Double fuck. Guess who has to trudge all the way back through the Cave of the Non-dragon Flies and the rainforest of... uninteresting name?



At least Agnis evolves into Dyna Blade while I'm doing it.



The highest level Pokemon that learns Surf is Darlene, the sea slug Pokemon I picked up several chapters ago. I switch out Kylar but eventually decide to box Agnis instead, since she's obviously not going to get much experience facing all the Water types in the ocean anyway.



According to the map I have to go this way... Hm, looks like I'm going off map.



Oh... Here's that Bike Wheel I can turn in for a Bike. Then again I might get Fly any minute now so it's kind of worthless at this point. Besides, do you really want a bike made out of beach trash?



Wh... what the fuck?



...What the fuck?



I... uh... ok.



I... oh, it's a Sai. It's a sardine. ...It's a Saidine.



The Frynais and the Saidines were Water/Steel and were easy pickings for Ranulf, but because it was a Double Battle they tore through pretty much everyone else.



It's uh... It's a Pokemon... based on the Titanic. ...'aight.



Ranulf gets Iron Tail, which is pretty inaccurate but also very powerful. Considering he has Hone Claws, it's a great move. I have to admit, Metalynx's moveset is probably the most finely tuned of all the fakemon.



Oh god not again.



Um... can I just go? YOU'RE NOT EVEN CIRCLING THE RIGHT TILE.



Here we have... a Corsola evolution? That's pretty rad.



At least this ninja isn't going to pop out of the surf and challenge me to a duel.



Sigh, at least this one seems like the last one.



When Dan said that there were going to be Naruto expies, he didn't say they were surfing Naruto expies. In fact, from now on, every time you see a ninja in this game, read all their lines in a surfer-dude voice.



Oh god the grinning fish evolves.



...What the fuck? It's got a katana glued to its head. That's what this thing is. A cartoon fish with a katana stapled to the top of its head. Its only saving grace is that Daikatuna is an A+ pun name.



You have shit prophecies, clearly.



...Uh... ok?



I order you to never bother me again.



I'll take references that no one else will ever get for 500 Alex.



Finally on dry land away from the ninja surfers.



New Pokemon. I like the idea of a Jackalope Pokemon.



WILD EEVEE ALERT.



Heck yeah Fluffy.



...Really?



We finally get to see this thing from the front.


...
........
.............
......I LOVE IT



Yes, this is the first thing it reminded me of.



A better look at the Corsola evolution.



New Pokemon exhibit. Onion Fairy's water type cousin.



Gurren Lagann mole evolves into Kamina mole, with even more drills.



Raptorch evolves into Archilles, which apparently gets its name from Achilles, the warrior of Ancient Greece. Which makes me wonder, why didn't we get Odyssynx and Hippomemnon?

(...Generic monster is apparently a hippocampus, the mythical water horse.)



This thing is basically Physic type Zorua. I can dig it, interesting design.



Finally.

Unfortunately the next city is completely surrounded by water, so I'll have to keep one of my party slots occupied by an underleveled Water type.



Holla holla get Hyper Potions.



So... the Gym Leader here uses Fairy types?



Or... maybe Dragon types?

Why am I even bothering to guess, the gyms have never actually specialized in the types that the game says they do.



There's a move tutor here that teaches your starter the elemental Hyper Beams, but I'm pretty happy with Ranulf's moveset without it.



Change Darlene for the slightly stronger Tinytanic. Also boxing Travolta for Agnis back. Even though Travolta has been an honored member of the team, and was critical in defeating the previous Gym, he simply is too delicate. He pretty much goes down in a single hit now. You will be missed, Travolta.



Oh well isn't that convenient?



Heck yeah! Sounds like a cool Pokemon. Bonus points if it can learn Surf.



Dang, this thing is sweet! I'd totally make it a member of the team... but it doesn't learn Surf. Oh well, into the box with you.



Also it has a cool ability. I'll give it to the maker, the new abilities in this game are pretty great. Balance not so much, but at least they're creative.



New Fakemon. I found it in an alley in the town, so I think you can only get one of these per game? I accidentally knocked it out. ...Oh well.



I take the opportunity to catch a new Water type to Surf around on. Let's be honest, it does look like the love child between Celebi and Dialga.



I'm pretty sure this Eevee is a custom sprite, but I have no idea why its neck fluff is so weird. Like if it's going to look that bad then just use the real sprite. No one will care.

Also HM WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THIS EEVEE?



A Gen 6 Pokemon would need a custom sprite.



Agnis learned Lava Plume and it actually looks like a plume of feathers.



Wait... are those Gargryphs on the edge of the walls? Nice touch.



You can't have Fluffy she's mine.



Did you guess Nucleon? Because that's what Fluffy evolved into! Nucleon is Eevee's Nuclear type evolution, gained by just leveling up Eevee with another Nuclear type in the party. Nucleon has the ability Atomize, which turns all Normal type moves into Nuclear type. Fluffy knows Swift, Quick Attack, Half Life, and Take Down, making her quite the nuclear warhead.





No really here's Fluffy one hit KOing a Pokemon five levels above her with Swift. SWIFT. She'll be a machine when she learns Hyper Voice.

...I may have made this game way too easy.



That sounds disgusting you can keep it.



However, like all vegetables it's actually good for you. At least I'm not the one who will be drinking this.

Remember party, no one is allowed to get drunk on the job.



This guy wants to tell me about the lore of the Legendaries too. I kind of don't really care, but there is one that I don't think I've heard of before.



Er... ok. Nevermind.



"Supposedly" is the keyword.



The actors and actresses are really just waiters and waitresses with drama masks on. Considering this fangame hasn't been using a lot of custom trainer sprites, I won't complain.



TEN LEVELS. Fluffy don't care. Fluffy will destroy them all.



Based on the normal trainer sprite, the normal trainer music, and the "?", no you are not the gym leader.



You don't say...



YOU HAD ME SO FOOLED.



The fake leader opened a trap door and sent me down here. There's no way back up, so hope you stocked up on your potions. Thankfully, due to Fluffy's rampage, my team was still pretty healthy at this point.



Uh, yeah I guess that's true... hundreds of years ago.



Are... are you talking about yourself?



Oh... wait, I remember... Dan warned me about this.



Nooooooo, who would have thought that girls could ACT? Sure they can raise Pokemon, or become nuclear scientists, but ACTING? Strictly a man's job!

Unless this story does take place hundreds of years ago, in which case the girl was immediately beheaded.



Wow, that was... really easy. One girl gets up on stage and the theater institution is like "oh gee whiz looks like we were wrong about girls! Better let them in to the theater!" No that shit's purely a sexism thing and has to be changed through years of campaigning and fighting for equal rights. The people in charge aren't going to change their minds because of one girl.



THEN CALL THE POLICE THAT'S DISCRIMINATION IT'S ILLEGAL



Ugh whatever. This lil' non-binary scamp will show you how stupid your gender roles are.



First up is Dramsama, the evolution of Masking.



It's actually a Masking in illusion.



Second up is Winotinger, the... Jackalope fairy angel? With webbed hands?



Turns out Winotinger has High Jump Kick, which demolished Fluffy. Thankfully, the AI was stupid enough to KO itself by simply switching in and out of Lumos.



After Winotinger hurdled itself into a brick wall repeatedly, Miasmedic came out. At first I thought it was a new Poison type, but it's actually Spritzee's male-specific evolution. Which means that one Iron Tail smacked it into next week.



Next up is Duplicat, who literally duplicated my cat.



Finally, we get the real Dramsama. As these things pretty much only know Psychic type moves, better switch into Kylar.

Also... is that a theater saying?



...And it used Transform. Mind you, Transform copies the opponent's stats as well as species and moves, so this level 45 Dramsama basically handicapped itself to a level 35 Tanscure. Kylar was easily able to out-Strength himself and win a sizable amount of experience.



Let's get out of here.



Oh... good for you two.



Well gee thanks for that Professor Bamb'o.



Let's just get this over with we all know I'm going to beat you.



...



Ahem as I was saying.



Aha... haha... ha...



Huh, hope I don't get lost in here.



We got some false Pokeballs in this cave. These things seem to be some sort of ghost type.



Useful, I guess.



...Yessssssss.



Yeah Lumos! Now you can be a handsome Mismagius and lay waste to your enemies!



Remember Minyan? This must be its evolution. Not a huge fan of the design personally, I liked it better as a cute vampire cat. Not that I don't like bats, but... Is it a bat? Is it a cat? Is it something else?



A lot of these Hikers have Terlards on them. They only know Dual Chop as a damaging move, so they're easy experience for the part-Fairy Felix.



Lumos what are you doing!? Get out of the ground!

Yeah I have NO idea why it's doing this. It almost seems like the sprite got cut in half. QUALITY.



Lunapup's evolution is a... Superhero Werewolf.



Based on its name, I guess this is a Mega Stone for that fighting lamb Pokemon. Hope one of the Pokemon I'm using secretly mega evolves. You know, beyond Ranulf, though I'd be fine with it just being Ranulf.



...Heh. Heheh. HEHEHEHEHE



AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA







I mean...





Oh, I guess I'll be able to Dive in this game.



Brainfish evo!



Poison frog evo!



Interestingly, Lumos is still learning attacks, even though stone-evolved Pokemon aren't supposed to. I'll keep my special attacks thanks.

Also, I just want to point out... Mismagius sucks. Like, I love the design. I love Lumos. But I was expecting him to actually... get good? When he evolved. He still sucks. And turns out it's because Misdreavus only gains 60 stat points total when it evolves: 20 in Special Attack, 20 in Special Defense, and 20 in Speed. Maybe if I raise him a few levels he won't lag and will be able to pick up slack when he's in a type advantage? I don't know, I'm just disappointed.



This might help against all the water types at least.



Pineapple evolves into Sandcrab. I dunno, I like Pineapple better.



This is a thing.



Finally, back on dry land.

Is he going to give me the Super Rod? …He does not give me the Super Rod.



Sweet, sign me up.



Well there’s one mystery solved.



Larkspur? How many scientists are in this game?



Sheesh, what a delight you must have been to work with.



None of you guys like Professor Bambo, do you?



Uh… I guess I never thought about the mechanics of it. It does bring a good point though, Pokeballs probably wear down really fast, what with constantly being thrown and stuff. There probably is some method to repair or transfer Pokemon from ball to ball.



Woah there what are you a Team Cipher agent?



*GASP* No one hurts an innocent Owten on my watch!



Don’t worry, I’ll save you!



U-um… I wasn’t talking to this tortured Owten… No sir…



Oh, well, actually…



Ahem I mean, right. Can’t have this.



I got kicked out of the lab, but that Owten is still in trouble! Maybe I can find a back entrance…



Um. Hi? Team Rocket?



Tell Giovanni I don’t have any Pikachus!



Did I just get mugged? Without going into a Pokemon battle first? Wow, these thugs really mean business.



This is kind of dark…



Oh, they were working for Larkspur. Guess they were just random thugs using the Team Rocket sprites. …Or Larkspur is actually a part of Team Rocket.



You’d think there’d be more business in developing more Snag Machines.



He’s talking about the Pokemon Speech Translator. I’m… not actually opposed to mass producing the translator. I mean sure Larkspur would make millions off of technology he stole, but it’s not quite the evil plan I was imagining.



Never mind.




Someone left me a note the next day. Crack on the wall? Dang I didn’t even notice that before.



Bah, the hole just leads to more cells.



Oh… Oh no…



This computer’s got logs and archives, along with the controls to release Garlikid. The tl;dr of the logs is that my mom, Lucielle, was working with Larkspur on a secret, illegal project in the power plant. Basically, they built a new Pokemon that could generate energy. However, when someone leaked the project to the authorities, Larkspur decided to destroy the evidence. With a nuclear explosion. With Lucielle inside.

Great, now he’s a jerk and a murderer.



Sigh… time to release Garlikid.



Yay…



Garlikid bends the bars of my cell, though it’s questionable why he didn’t just do that for his cell. And in case you’re curious about how strong he looks…



Garli-abs.



There’s a few trainers here, but all their Pokemon are weak to Fighting or Grass attacks. Coupled with Garlikid knowing Drain Punch and Mega Drain, they’re easy pickings.



Hooray!



Larkspur! You’ll pay for what you’ve done!



My name is Adanna Montoya. You killed my mother. Prepare to die!



Go Fluffy! Show them no mercy!



…*cough* Maybe we need… a bit more training.



Raffiti, the evolution to that other mouse Pokemon. Can’t help but accidentally call it Rafiki.



Next up is Luchabra, the Chupacabra/Luchador Pokemon. I guess.



Hm? What’s a Chainite-



Holy Hell this thing’s terrifying.



Entire team was swept with Ranulf. Hell yeah!



Well you’re already ripping off their grunts.



Yip…eee….



Well look on the bright side, he’s level fucking fifty. I could use that shit. But nah, I’m not really looking for a… Garlikid. Maybe later if I need him.



Next up, Lanthanite Cave.



I try fishing, since I still need a Water type at the same level as the rest of my team, but nothing’s biting. I don’t think any Pokemon were coded into the water here.



The good news is that the wild Pokemon here are really high leveled. …Really high leveled.



Figured I’d capture one. Three members of my team, namely Lumos, Chester, and Kylar, haven’t quite been keeping up. Considering they’re at the end of their evolutionary lines, it’s probably safe to say that it’ll only get worse from here.



Fakemon gallery.



Caught the Fafurr because I thought it looked neat. Named her Blitzen… you know, after the reindeer. She has Fur Coat, which could really come in handy.



Switch out Lumos and Chester for Eirine and Blitzen. I doubt I’ll keep both, but this will be a good trial run to see which of the two I like better.



Baariette, the last in the fighting sheep line.



Sliding ice puzzles.



Fakemon gallery 2. Snopach’s pretty cute. And that Alpico is a mean sonntofabitch. It’s fast as hell, and has a good punch to its Special Attack.



Eh, not too into Snopach’s evolution.



You son of a bitch!



Great, between the high leveled wild Pokemon and the even higher leveled trainer battles, this route was hellishly difficult. And you just HAD to OHKO me on the last Pokemon of the last trainer on it.



I tell myself to teach Kylar one of these and then promptly forget to. Oops.



Trials? Like, Blaine’s trivia trials or something more?



Mega Evolution! Finally, Ranulf’s overdue for his *proper* evolution.



…Thanks. Really needed that one.



You know it’s going to be rough when the npc takes pity on you and hands you *multiple* Rare Candies.

Stopping it here, as the gym battle is quite the doozy! Next time on: Pokemon Uranium!

I just watched a youtube video that pointed out why Blue was a great rival despite having like, zero character growth, and that was because he was constantly ahead of you. He always beat the gym first, always talked to the important character first… It constantly gave you a bar to beat. Just chew on that.



I recall Dan telling me that Theo changes appearance for no reason, but I’m pretty sure this actually marks Theo’s acceptance of his own strength compared to me, and him growing out of his whiny kid phase.



Oh, well, that’s actually a bit of a relief. Considering how far behind in levels I am definitely going to be, letting Theo do all the work in a Double Battle sounds fine to me.



Still good enough.



Also, you can’t go back after starting the gym trials. No running back to the Pokemon Center. If you lose, you have to start all over again. Thankfully, money stopped being an issue from this point on for whatever reason, so I always have at least 20 potions and revives on me at all times.



Good thing I haven’t retired Kylar yet.



Get that squared away.



The first trial is the Trial of Strength. It’s just a boulder push puzzle.



And not a particularly difficult one either.



At the end of each trial, you have to battle one of these acolytes. They’re nothing worth noting.



Hm, Strength, Wisdom, if the next trial isn’t the Trial of Courage I’m going to be disappointed.



It’s just a maze. There’s no timer or anything either so there’s not even any challenge here.



The acolyte has some cool new Pokemon. Coatlith is the last on that grass Quetzalcoatl line, and Voltatsu is… a neat thunderbird thing.



Seriously Theo?



Dammit game.



Apparently the ability to adapt to rapid change is measured by my ability to complete a sliding ice puzzle.



Oh come on! No one told me I had to bring a Pokemon that knows Surf! This is bullsh-



Oh, you can just hop across these rocks.



Dunseraph, Dunsparce’s fakemon evolution. Pretty much every fake Dunsparce evolution I’ve seen has it evolve into some sort of magnificent angel dragon. I’m not opposed to the idea, but personally I hope that if Dunsparce gets an official evolution or mega evolution, it turns into an even fatter ground snake slug thing. Just to mess with everyone.



Still beating Tracton the same way as the first time.



At least this one kind of makes sense, you know, like that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. It’s the same puzzle as the one in the Steel gym, but the invisible walkways you have to trace are way harder. I spent nearly fifteen minutes trying to get past this one.



Ho don’t do it.



I’m not even going to finish this meme.



And what are you supposed to be?



Dragon type, apparently.



Based on Theo’s comments, I think an earlier version required you to fight the previous acolyte without giving direct orders to your Pokemon. You know, like that one in the Gen 3 Battle Frontier.



Trial of Truth doesn’t have a puzzle, you just have to beat this guy without using items.



And what are you supposed to be?



Ghost type, apparently.



Yes! Together! I’ll hang back as support and you do all the work!



Time to win some Megas!



The gym leader specializes in Dragon types and Ice types, so thank Arceus for Theo’s Gararewl.



God damn fucking Alpicos. Take it out Gararewl.



Thank you Gararewl.



Looks like Blitzen will eventually evolve into a Fafinter. Its got a pretty crazy high defense, but that won’t stop Theo’s Pokemon. …It’ll definitely stop my Pokemon.



Last Pokemon is Mega Ampharos, which is a relief. I was worried we’d be seeing Mega Salamence or Mega Glalie.



Oh hey, Theo picked up a Nucleon of his own. Now we’ll be unstoppable!

…It used Last Resort.



It’s slow and steady, but they’re slowly losing health and Vaeryn isn’t using any potions…



One down!



Two down!



Uh wait what? No. No thank you.



New attack, it’s a Dragon type move that lowers the opponent’s Defense and Special Defense.



Finally.



Ey uh wait, we just finished a gym battle you want to do this NOW?



And Theo hit that awkward stage of puberty.



Alright, let’s see what we got!



Mega Metalynx and Mega Electruxo!



Archilles could maybe get away with being a Mega, but see what I mean about how they should be third evolutions?



This entire fight was pretty much a sweep with Ranulf, and Fluffy who had to take care of the Chimiconda.



Still tried to use Last Resort.



He’s taking it well.



Bambo decides to pay a visit to congratulate us on our new Mega Evolution abilities, and I fill him in about that other professor. Apparently though, I did not feel the need to tell him that Larkspur is a murderer.



And Larkspur gives me… Dive. Considering the map, and that I’m currently on the northern-most mountain, and the last gym is on the southern-most island…


I was really hoping for Fly. Er, not hoping, expecting. But no, I have to walk all the way back to point 11 before I get to anything new, apparently. Gee. Thanks.

Also there was one sliding ice puzzle I spent like ten minutes on but couldn’t figure out. What was the solution to that anyway?



Oh.

After making it back to Silverport Town, the one with Professor Larkspur’s lab, I run into this guy with the boat. Well, that’s good at least. I don’t have to walk all the way through the Labyrinth again.







Well a lift’s a lift. Still better than walking.



Oh, you had me so fooled!



Well I guess it’s better we’re settling this now. Defeating him out in the open sea could have made me trapped.



Heheh, Pirate Jack.



New Pokemon Sawbone. It’s like if a Cubone became a pirate.



New Pokemon Haagross. For what appears to be some sort of slug Pokemon it’s got a cool design.



So… I am going to have to walk all the way back…



Oh good. Well, assuming this guy isn’t a pirate in disguise as well.



Looks like the rat respawned.



Meh.



Also decide to catch one of these…



Give it some Carrot Wine…



Evolve into one of these…



And show it to this guy.



Not a half bad gift but I don’t ever use it.



The last of the Poison Water frog line. I want to give him a banjo.



In order to get to ninja town, I have to Dive. Poor Felix is turning into my HM slave.



As much fun as Dive is, I find it the most immersion breaking thing in Pokemon games. I don’t want to be limited in my battles to only Water types, but there’s no way you’d actually fight with anything non-water down here.

Actually, considering that Sky Battles were introduced as a form of limited battle, Dive Battles should be reintroduced like that as well. As an optional thing of course.



New Pokemon. Surprisingly, they’re both Fire types.



Coral Break lets me break these corals on the map to get shards to trade in… somewhere.



Fluffy is unstoppable!



I despise this thing. Not only does it have a stupid design, but it’s special attack is surprisingly high. Also it comes with a plethora of Fire type moves. Because it’s Fire type. For some reason.



I found this island with a bell. There was nothing on it, but it sure looks important.



Oh dear, the pirates are back.



Wonder why the pirates are so old.



Let me tell you about these goddamn Vilucards. They have this move called Drain Life, which is basically a Dark type Giga Drain. Couple that with Blood Lust, their ability that heals when they attack with a damaging move, and these things will just not die.



You know what Skelerogue reminds me of? Foxy from FNAF.



Wait a minute… Oh no, you did NOT just take me all the way back to 2003 for a Pirates vs Ninjas setup.



Uh, thanks guys.



I mean it kind of looks like a robotic arm.

I actually wanted to train one of these guys, but all the wild Pokemon here are below level 40, and it’s hard to get a new Pokemon up to speed when I’m already under leveled.



Uh, what prophecy am I a part of?



Yeah great… Daikatuna again.



Kaito…?



Ah. Actually this is just a fancharacter. I don't know Naruto...



The religious devotion of this town borders on creepy.



Ooh finally. I can get some specialized Pokeballs.



WANT IT.



WANT IT.

For some reason I could have sworn this guy mentions Yatagaryu as a legendary Pokemon. That… well, you’ll see. It messes me up and then un-messes me up.



Remember the ninjas that raise my Pokemon’s EVs? I ran into two of them a while back. This guy’s their master, and he wants them all to come home.



DONE. …Once I get Fly.



Ooh Choice items. I buy the Choice Scarf for Fluffy. She’s only going to need one attack, and anything to help her move first while being so under leveled.



You tell me.



Thanks to this statue I thought this Pokemon was a legendary as well. But no, it’s just the evolution of that one rabbit Pokemon from the last chapter. I called it a Dragon type but it’s actually just Ground type. Not really sure how I mixed that up…



Uh… please?



…’kay, but I caught all of those.



…Are they?



These things look like monochrome Zygardes. The design was probably developed before Gen VI came out, but… They look like monochrome Zygardes.



These are definitely legendaries.







How many legendaries does this game have?



Sigh, well, I do need the high level.



Gym looks pretty cool.



I have NO idea why I’ve seen people praise or struggle with the puzzle in this gym. I didn’t even bother taking a picture of it. Basically, there’s a bunch of white and black tiles on the floor, and stepping on them flips them to the other color. You have to get the number of black tiles to equal the number of white tiles.

Supposedly, you’re guided to make a Yin-Yang pattern on the floor to get the right answer, but I never had to do that. Just see which of the two colors is higher, then walk towards a cluster of that color. Easy.



White and blue ninja.



And two new Pokemon.



So, someone who’s better at Naruto than I am, is this ship canon? Is it a popular ship? Is this entire town the creator’s crack ship? Could still be some crack fanship.



Well, ladies first.





Surprisingly, this Flareon has Drought. Hinata uses a team based on Sunlight.



Damn that was close.



What’s this solar panel gelatinous thing? I don’t find out because Fluffy took it down with one Hyper Voice.



And last but not least we have…



Oh, Mega Whimsicott.



No wait never mind, it was least.



Woah wait, you didn’t even let me heal or save in between battles! This is like one big 6 on 8 battle.



Wait a minute…



This guy looks just like Monroe! I mean, with fancier clothes, but seriously. If this guy’s entire team is made up of cats I’m calling shenanigans.



Hey look Garlikid was useful.



Get outta here.



Ah bummer, Monroe’s most powerful Pokemon is a snake. Well, at least Umbreon and Vilucard are cat-like.



This gym battle was actually pretty easy, all things considering.



Yay! Eight badges! Onto the Elite Four! Or dealing with that nuclear plot thing that’s going on first.



Guess we’re going to the nuclear plot thing then.



I hope this evacuation is temporary, I didn’t buy enough of those specialty Pokeballs!



The townspeople don’t want to leave their sacred city until Naruto and Monroe command them to.



I’ll just leave it at that.